Robert Mueller Assures Andrew McCabe His Office Door Is Always Open, ‘Just In Case’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Late Friday night, Attorney General Jeff Sessions fired Deputy FBI Director Andrew McCabe.

The firing culminates weeks of animus directed toward McCabe by President Donald Trump and his surrogates. In his statement firing McCabe, Sessions attempted to damage the reputation of the career FBI agent, who Sessions fired just hours before he was to retire and begin collecting a pension he’d earned in over 20 years of service to the bureau. Shortly after the firing, Trump, who had taken the unprecedented steps of publicly attacking an official in the FBI as the sitting president, took to his favorite social media platform to celebrate McCabe’s ouster.

Critics of the president, including former CIA director John O. Brennan, lambasted Trump on Twitter, calling out Trump’s “venality, moral turpitude, and political corruption.”

It’s unclear at this time what McCabe’s next steps will be. It’s widely known that he was set to retire this Sunday, with a pension. However, this development could deprive him of that pension, which many critics of the administration say is proof of that this move was a purely cynical and political one. Though McCabe’s decisions in the coming days are not yet known, one man has already reportedly reached out to the now former Deputy FBI Director — Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

Buy this shirt and help us feed these kids that won’t keep bothering us about eating:

Mueller, who is leading an independent investigation into the 2016 Russian interference and subversion of the presidential election between Hillary Clinton and President Trump, reached out to McCabe according to several sources. Mueller reminded McCabe that his “door is always open.”

“Special Counsel Mueller sent an email to Mr. McCabe letting him know that his office door is always open,” one source familiar to the exchange told us via Skype. “Mueller just wanted Mr. McCabe to be well-aware of the fact that he’s here at the office most days, and that even though he has a very busy schedule, he can make room on it at a moment’s notice for someone like Mr. McCabe. Just…you know, in case there’s anything, anything at all, that he wants to get off his chest.”

McCabe has reportedly not responded to Mueller’s missive, but he did release a statement that accused President Trump and the administration of trying to destroy his reputation to discredit Mueller’s investigation, and said he will no longer be silent for the sake of the country.

Amid such criticism, McCabe said, he had remained silent “never wanting to distract from the mission of the FBI by addressing the lies told and repeated about us.”

But, he added, “No more.” (Source)

This story is developing.

James’ satire can also be found on Alternative Science, Alternative Facts, and The Pastiche Post.

More Satire:

Trump Lists Three Branches Of Government: “National, Rifle, Association”

Trump Boasts Passing Of Stephen Hawking Makes Him #6,999,999,999 On World’s Smartest People List

Kim Jong Un, Trump Agree To Keep Summit Focused On Who Has Bigger Dick, Who Is Lazier And Stupider

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This