Kim Jong Un, Trump Agree To Keep Summit Focused On Who Has Bigger Dick, Who Is Lazier And Stupider

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Last week, the world was taken aback when South Korea announced that after talks with North Korea, President Donald Trump would be invited to sit down and speak with Kim Jong-Un. Un and Trump have had a well-documented, publicly insulting and feuding relationship that as resulted in Trump being called a “dotard” by Un and Trump calling the North Korean dictator “Little Rocket Man.” Many thought the two would be forever locked in a dance of inflammatory rhetoric, but when word broke of a potential summit between the two men later this year, some wondered if perhaps diplomatic resolution might be on the way.

Early this morning, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters that Trump and Un had already agreed to some very preliminary provisos for the meeting.

“The president certainly does not want to bite off more than he can chew at this first summit,” Huckabee said while chugging straight bacon grease. “So he and Kim Jong Un have agreed to set a reasonable scope of conversation ahead of time.”

Un and Trump will be “focused primarily” on two subjects.

“Who has a bigger penis, and who is the most lazy and stupid among them,” Huckabee said as she dunked a deep fried wad of ham and Wonder bread into her glass of bacon gravy. “That’s what they’re going to limit their conversation to at first. They both feel this will be the most productive use of their time, as well as help them clear the air with each other to get on a more equal footing and a place of understanding.”

Some other considerations have been taken into account ahead of the first meeting, Huckabee informed the press.

“In order to help the people in the room tell one rich, entitled, out of touch, corrupt, puppet dictator apart from the other, they’ll be given name stickers to wear,” Huckabee said while farting the national anthem. Right-wing firebrand commentator Turmeric Lahren was seen across the room, standing at full attention. “We’d hate to have some kind of mix-up where we left the president there and brought Mr. Un back to the White House with us like some kind of crazy Parent Trap kinda thing.”

Another fart from Huckabee broke through the air.

“That wasn’t me,” Huckabee said, pointing her finger, which was dripping gravy, at the reporters, “and if any of you say it was me, I’ll have you rounded up and put into FEMA camps like Obama wanted to do but didn’t have the balls because he’s a triggered snowflake cuck.”

One more fart ripped the silence that Huckabee had just created.

The White House did not provide comment on this story.

Satire can also be found on The Pastiche Post and Alternative Facts.

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James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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