Greene Won’t Wear a Mask Because It Gets in the Way of the Feed Bag

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Freshman congressterrorist Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) is not a fan of masking mandates, and that’s one of the least well-kept secrets in politics. Greene can often be heard and seen on social media blasting efforts by health officials to tamp down on the COVID-19 delta variant by encouraging everyone to wear a mask indoors.

In recent weeks, Greene has also stepped up her rhetoric against vaccine mandates in the private sector, comparing them how Jewish people were treated in Nazi Germany. Today, during a press conference held while everyone else in the House was attending committee hearings that Greene is not invited to, she attempted to explain why she is so strongly against masking. As it turns out, Rep. Greene takes such a strong stance against masking, because it prevents her from being able to eat regularly.

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“Y’all, I have special dietary concerns, okay? I can’t just use any old fork or knife to shovel the oats and grains into my face,” Greene explained. “I have to use a special feedbag, made and designed for horse-faced cave trolls! And guess what happens if I put a mask over my mouth first? I can’t eat, fam!”

As we reported last week, Rep. Greene was recently removed the Moron League of America following her repeated anti-vaccine commentary. The MLA indicated that while Ms. Greene is “most definitely now and always will be a big moron,” they are not a group for anti-vaxxers, and are appalled by her decision to be so.

“We’re morons, not cartoon villains,” the Moron League’s announcement begins, “and so it is with a heavy heart that we must say our goodbyes to Marjorie Taylor Greene. Encouraging parents to rip the masks off their ten year old kids before they can even get vaccinated is cruel, not just stupid, and we’re focused solely on stupidity as an organization.” (PGC)

Rep. Greene’s office could not be reached for comment.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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