Area White Guy Sure He Knows How Black People Should Protest

One man thinks he can tell the Black Lives Matter activists the best way to get results: do nothing.

DAVIS, GEORGIA — Geoff Bedford is a twenty-two year old recent graduate of Middle Georgia State University, formerly known as Macon State. It’s a community college in Georgia, and it was there that Bedford got his Associate’s Degree in Political Science. Bedford considers himself a classical liberal — one who would be considered quite liberal by 19th century standards, but using the definitions of the times we actually live in would peg Bedford for most as a conservative who is okay with ending the War on Drugs, but also wants to ban abortion and doesn’t think that Affirmative Action is necessary, as well as that Black Lives Matter is actually reverse-racist against white people.

“Sure, the people who use that hashtag will tell you that it’s not actually a statement of black lives being superior to white lives, but that literally black lives matter so we should stop pretending as if more of them aren’t gunned down by cops disproportionately to all other races,” Bedford told The Political Garbage Chute in a recent interview, “but I think clearly it’s reverse racism. I mean, why can’t we just tell black people how to behave when they get pulled over — namely that they act like white people — instead of making our fine police officers feel sad about subverting due process and summarily executing an unarmed black man in the street?”

Bedford says that his college training has given him “deep insights into the fall of the Republic” and it “all began when cultural Marxism, a total real thing that’s not just two words conservatives slap together to sound intelligent, started making us try to rectify the bad things that happened because of slavery by overcompensating with like, laws and stuff.” According to Bedford, he learned “unequivocally that government should just sit idly by and let its people struggle upstream against a system literally rigged against them” instead of “being a pussy-ass Social Justice Warrior whose all like sad about people being oppressed and shit.” He also said that the problem isn’t with white officers, it’s with how black people handle being pulled over unfairly for having committed no actual crime.

“Oh sure, anyone can have their feelings hurt about being unjustly stopped, frisked, assaulted and shot dead,” Bedford said, “and anyone can be upset that clearly one race is being singled-out, whether intentionally or through terrible training policies, but that’s all just modern liberal cultural Marxist baloney.” Bedford told us, “It seems pretty simple to me. If a cop pulls you over, and you’re black, just behave how me and all my white friends behave when we get pulled over. I mean you know, if we get pulled over.”

“It might happen. I had a friend whose brother got a speeding ticket once,” Bedford said, “And Thad told me the cop was totally professional the whole time. He just issued the ticket and sent my friend’s brother and his family on their way back down their idyllic, white, suburbanite neighborhood main thoroughfare.” Bradford says if more black people would just “shut up and take the abuse in the moment so that a few months later they can hope and pray that another instrument of the same system that unfairly put them into a cop’s cross hairs — the courts — will magically be on their side of all a sudden” that less black people would be shot by cops.

“I mean, aren’t they kind of asking for it,” Bedford asked, “being black and outraged at their civil liberties being trampled? Don’t they realize that the only people who are persecuted in this country are white, conservative Christians? Of course they don’t. They’re too focused on the fact that they are still being systemically frozen out of advancing up the socioeconomic ladder by people like me who think it’s totally cool for business owners to not hire black people because they’re black, even though those business owners are depending on the government protection of incorporation, and therefore shouldn’t really be allowed to deny service to any member of the public. Sure, it’s shocking that the numbers are so out of whack, but just because they’re victims of police brutality as a community, why do they have to play the victim card?”

Bedford says that to him “the bottom line is simple.” He says that “until black people learn to just take it on the chin like the rest of us don’t have to because we live incredibly sheltered lives wherein we have almost zero interactions with police” that “black people will continue to be the victims of systemic police brutality and subversion of due process.” He admits that he “doesn’t ever life the life that an average black man does” but that he’s “still pretty sure he knows what’s best for them.”

“Sure, it’s a vicious cycle and black people who complain will be labeled race baiters while the ones who sit back and do nothing help to tacitly approve of the shit they’re trying to break away from…but…well…wait. Shit. What was I saying? Something about how all that doesn’t matter because slavery is over and we have a half-black president or something,” Bedford said as he ended the interview.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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