Twitter Releases New Feature That Lets You Smell Trump’s Dick on Jim Jordan’s Tweets

In recent weeks, billionaire meme stealing shitposter Elon Musk says that Twitter has lost more than half its value since he bought it for over $40 billion earlier this year. While some may wonder if it’s a result of Musk’s leadership decisions, others have posited it’s Musk’s lack of leadership skill that has brought about the downslide in Twitter’s value.

One thing that is unmistakable about Twitter 2.0 is that, under Musk’s stewardship, the site has taken a distinctly right-wing turn. Popular pro-MAGA accounts that had previously been banned for spreading hate speech and COVID misinformation under the previous ownership have been allowed back onto Twitter. Some conspiracy theories, such as those swirling around former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s husband after he was gravely injured during an assassination attempt, have even been amplified by Musk himself, who also approved the restoration of former President Donald Trump to the site.

RELATED: Who Got Paid More to Suck Trump’s Dick: Stormy or Jim Jordan?

Trump famously used Twitter to help foment his failed coup attempt of January 6th, 2021.

Whether or not Mr. Musk understands that allowing Twitter to become a haven of alt-right propaganda has hurt his company’s financial health, today he announced something that might be an attempt to win back or keep progressives on Twitter. In an investor call, Musk teased a new feature which would allow people to smell Trump’s dick on tweets written by Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH).

We were able to speak to Roy G. Bihv, Twitter’s Sub-Chief of Media Relations, about the new feature.

“Mr. Musk is committed to transforming Twitter into the Internet’s premiere and preferred hub for information tailor made to sensitive conservatives’ tastes, even if that means the information is less informative and more bullshit-riffic,” Bihv told us, “but he also understands that if all the liberals leave and he’s just left with the mouth breathers, Twitter will be worth even less than it is now. So he decided to give progressive users the ability to smell just how much of Trump’s dick was in Jim Jordan’s vicinity when he composed a specific tweet.”

While Musk thought a simple pie chart showing the percentage of Trump’s dick in each Jordan tweet would suffice, Twitter’s engineers thought they could step things up a notch, and give users a more immersive experience.

“It’s one thing to see a pie chart; it’s another thing to just assume it was written with a heavy amount of Trump’s dick influencing it,” Bihv explained, “but it’s something really quite special and unique when you can literally smell the Trump’s fromunda cheese on a tweet, and Mr. Musk feels features like this will really drive engagement and bring back disaffected liberals to the platform.”

RELATED: Jim Jordan Blames Cancel Culture for His Miniscule Dick


Well, at least it’s a feature we could all use! Twitter #JimJordan #DonaldTrump #AlvinBragg #satire #politics #politik

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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