Who Got Paid More to Suck Trump’s Dick: Stormy or Jim Jordan?

As far as the world can tell, there are two people who we can reliably assume have sucked Donald Trump’s dick and been financially compensated for it. The question is, though, who got paid more: Adult film actress Stormy Daniels, or Congressman Jim Jordan (Q-OH)?

We spoke to a handful of labor, business, and economic experts, and here’s what they said.

RELATED: Jim Jordan Blames Cancel Culture for His Miniscule Dick

Collette Smallsby, Prof. of Economics –

“It’s a fascinating and extremely nauseating question! On the one hand, Stormy got $130,000 to stay quiet about her sexual tryst with Trump, but Jordan gets paid God only knows how much by conservative dark money groups to keep blowing Trump every single day on his Twitter feed. I gotta guess Jim Jordan on this one.”


Jack N. McCracken, Labor Analyst – 

“Ordinarily, I try not to think about Jim Jordan’s mouth, or Donald Trump’s dick. That being said, I think it’s pretty obvious that Stormy got paid one time, and Jim keeps getting paid, so it’s him.”


Kimberly Beaux-Bimberlé, Financial Advisor – 

“I’ll tell you this much: no matter who got paid more, they both have been paid less for doing it then Ivanka’s gotten over the years.”



Roger Dodge, Stock Broker – 

“I think we have to establish if sucking Trump off is the only act Jim’s been paid for, or if he gets some money every time he publicly fluffs Trump’s balls, too. Two two aren’t mutually inclusive. Regardless, though, I don’t see how Stormy getting one check remotely comes close to the millions of dollars Jim’s campaign fund gets every time he bobs Trump’s knob.”

RELATED: Cruz Says He’ll Be Trump’s Prison Bitch


#JimJordan and #StormyDaniels have something in common. #satire #politics #arresttrump #alvinbragg #politik #political

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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