Last night, a rage-filled, racist, narcissistic conman douchebag reality-TV game show host and white collar crook abused his power, and stood on the White House lawn lawn, delivering a speech he hoped might convince America to give him a second term as their president. A snap poll conducted overnight, however, shows that he maybe could have saved his breath and cut the speech short, for all that people were paying attention to, or cared about, what he was saying.
On the final night of the Republican Nationalist Convention of 2020, President Donald Trump delivered a speech. At least, we can only presume he gave a speech because, like millions of Americans, none of us actually watched it in real-time. We’ll get to it…eventually, but most of us had prior engagements, and some of us went so far as to dump a bucket of hot diarrhea over our heads as a substitute for listening to his speech. Regardless, Trump gave a speech, and surely some people heard it.
However, overnight trusted polling company We Poll You So Hard conducted a survey of 1500 registered voters throughout the country and found some rather startling results. According to the survey’s preliminary numbers, it appears that “literally no one worth talking about” cares what that narcissistic conman happened to say about Joe Biden in particular, last night. An astounding 99.9% of those who answered the poll said they “couldn’t care less” and “don’t care at all” what Trump said about biden.
With the release of their poll results, We Poll You So Hard also published some of the comments given to them by their respondents. We’ve decided to re-print some of them, below.
Kim C., 38, Lakeview, Washington — “I bet he said some real shit about Biden, but I don’t care. Anything he says about Biden I’m sure he does or did himself. Fuck that racist whackaloon moron.”
Burt T., 72, Harbor Falls, Montana — “Whatever he said about Biden I’m sure was a lie, exaggeration, or something he made up on the spot. It doesn’t matter what he says about Biden, because literally any carbon based lifeform is a better option than Trump.”
Skip M. 48, Capstone, Indiana — “Why would I care what Donald Trump has to say about Joe Biden? Donald Trump has ignored the pandemic while 180,000 Americans died. Joe Biden could be a Satan worshiping cat fucker and I’d crawl over broken glass to vote for him.”
Stacy W., 37, Juniper Lake, Michigan — “For all his faults, and God knows there’s plenty, Joe Biden is a better human being than Donald Trump could ever dream to be. Getting insulted or called a name by Donald Trump is badge of honor. Besides, anything he says about you is actually a reflection on himself because all he does is project his bullshit onto others.”
Gary D., 57, Pen Island, New York — “Who cares? Seriously. Who cares? Fuck that stupid piece of shit. At this point, after four years of this asshole, if you care what he says or thinks, you’re in a cult, and nobody cares about your idiotic opinions, or his.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.