Trump Joins “Masterclass” and Will Teach a Course on Being a Crybaby Sore Loser

Former President Don Trump isn’t exactly known for his love of high academia, despite being the Dean of Emissions at his own, failed Trump University. In fact, Trump once famously quipped on the campaign trail that he “love(d) the poorly educated.”

It appears, however, that Mr. Trump’s need for a post-presidential salary has caused him to re-evaluate his position on education, because he just signed a deal with the producers of MasterClass. Trump will reportedly be teaching a course on a subject very near and dear to him, and a spokesperson for MasterClass indicated they believe the twice-permanently impeached former president will demonstrate a real prowess and expertise like he never has before. Trump will teach a fourteen part course, each course eighty-eight minutes long, on the subject of “Being a Crybaby Sore Loser Bitch.”

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“The name Donald Trump is synonymous with one thing — daughter lust. Okay, two things — daughter lust and racism. Okay, three things — daughter lust, racism, and lying. Shit. Okay, four things,” Masterclass Spokesperson Susan Tomjonavich told press and investors today.

“Damn it. Okay, so there’s a lot of things his name is synonymous with, as it turns out. But the point I’m trying to make is that one of those things is being a big ol’ crybaby sore loser bitch. In fact, one might be able to successfully argue in front of the same Supreme Court that laughed his cases right out of the courtroom, that nobody knows more about the subject of being a crybaby sore loser bitch than Donald John Trump knows about that subject.”

Trump released a written statement, which he is forbidden to post on any social media sites, teasing a few of the things he’ll teach to MasterClass students next year.

“If you take my MasterClass, I promise you, totally promise you, that you’ll learn more from me than you’ve learned at any other time in your life. You’ll learn how to preemptively accuse your opponents of cheating, how to accuse them of cheating during the competition, and then, most importantly, how to accuse them of cheating after you lose,” Trump wrote.

“Then, if there’s any time left, we’ll talk about other stuff like having only one kid you care about, bankrupting a casino, and having a mangled, very weird dong. But again, only if we have time.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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