Trey Gowdy Sure Does Wish Obama Had Been as ‘Concerned’ About Ukrainian Corruption as Trump

FORT DUMFUK, SOUTH CAROLINA — Former Congressman Trey Gowdy (R-SC) was one of Barack Obama’s most ardent and dogged critics during his presidency. As chair of the House Oversight committee, Gowdy led more than one investigation into allegations of wrongdoing by Obama administration officials. However, none of the investigations brought about any criminal charges, nor did they result in any articles of impeachment against Obama.

Gowdy told a conservative talk radio host over the weekend that at times he finds himself secretly wishing that former President Obama had been as “concerned” about Ukrainian corruption as the current president says he was.

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“I tell you this much — if President Obama had done what Trump did to push the Ukrainian president into announcing investigations of Mitt Romney, or John McCain,” Gowdy said, “we’d have impeached his ass so fast his head would’ve spun around. We’d have had impeachment papers drawn up as soon as news broke of the first phone call. Hell, Obama mentioning that he needed the Ukrainian president to do him a favor would have had wall-to-wall coverage on Fox News, and I’d have personally drafted that article of impeachment myself!”

The nation is currently waiting to find out if enough Senate Republicans will vote to allow testimony in the ongoing impeachment trial, which would open the door to former national security adviser John Bolton to say under oath what his book apparently lays out. However, Gowdy said it wouldn’t have taken any books or memoirs from former officials to convince him to impeach Obama, had he behaved the exact same way as Trump did. Gowdy, a longtime prosecutor, said his constituents would have been “lighting the pitchforks” upon the first news that Obama had tried to coerce a foreign government into helping him win an election.

“We could’ve impeached the living hell out of him for that, instead of all the Benghazi crap! If Obama had done what Trump had done, whew boy,” Gowdy admitted, “Joe Biden would’ve had to finish out his term. Man, oh man, do I wish that Obama had been as, you know, concerned, wink-wink, with Ukrainian corruption as Trump TOTALLY was. I TOTALLY believe Trump was SUPER-DUPER concerned with corruption in Ukraine, and that’s why he risked everything to endanger the security and fairness of our election. In my heart of hearts, I just wish Obama had done something so brazen to defend the sanctity of our elections as this president did.”

In a moment of honesty and candid reflection, Gowdy admitted that he regrets “focusing so much on every burp, fart, or cough” that Obama had or made during his tenure as oversight chairman, but that he “just wasn’t given as much to work with” as House Democrats have with Trump. Gowdy said “Trump’s totally real and obvious concerns about corruption” put him in prime position to be impeached.

“Ugh. Man. I just wish I could go back in time and try to get Obama to be all into Ukraine corruption like Trump is and was,” Gowdy said. “I would have traded at least a quart of my very valuable flop sweat for that chance. I could’ve impeached Obama fives times over with the same evidence Schiff has. I’m just glad Trump is a Republican and therefore literally unimpeachable. But we’ll never know. Obama was too busy forcing people into his FEMA camps after he took away their guns and forced them to get gay married and abort all their pregnancies, which even though we could never prove, would still not be as easy to impeach him for as what Trump did. Makes you question everything, really.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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