Are you a member of a state legislature? Is your state a red state? Do you find yourself in the position to throw three members of the opposite party out of the legislature because they helped their constituents peacefully protest during a legislative session? Are you trying to figure out which two to expel, and which one to let off with a warning and a slap on the wrist?
Then we are here to help you, Mr. or Mrs. Right-Wing State Politician!
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Believe it or not, it’s quite simple to determine which members of the opposite party you should expel from your state’s congressional body because they protested children getting gunned down at school. The best part? You can figure it out in three easy steps.
Step 1: Are Any of them Democrats?
Good news! If any of them are Democrats, they are automatically up for expulsion, because here in Real America, freedom of speech doesn’t include peaceful protest unless you’re peacefully spraying Mace in a cop’s face while you storm the capitol! So make sure you mark any Democrats up for expulsion.
Step 2: Are any of them young?
Nothing is more a threat to American society than those young whippersnapper Millennials and Gen Z’ers! How dare they think they have a say in how their society is shaped, just because they had to live through 13 years of lockdown drills and the constant fear of being murdered in History Class? So if they’re young, put ’em up on the chopping block!
Step 3: Do any of them look more “urban” than the others?
Let’s just put our cards on the table, and say what we mean, because this is America and we have Freedom of Speech here…unless, again, you’re protesting the slaughter of schoolchildren during a legislative session. Take a good look at your candidates. Which ones are, you know, the ones that don’t seem American, or at least as American as you and your pastor? Which ones make you scared but you’re not sure why you’re scared because all the racist messaging in your life has been dog whistled to the point that you’re literally convinced racism doesn’t exist in the first place? Once you find them, and it won’t really be that hard because they should, um, stick out to you, that’s who you’ve got to expel.
We hope we’ve been helpful in these trying times.
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