In Dominion Testimony, Rupert Murdoch Admitted He Knew Tucker Carlson Fucks Sheep

“…but obviously only the white ones.” – Rupert Murdoch, referring to Tucker Carlson during testimony in the Dominion defamation lawsuit.

Much of the Internet was abuzz yesterday when it was revealed through public reporting that Rupert Murdoch testified in the defamation lawsuit brought against Fox News by Dominion Voting Systems that he knew his hosts were pushing lies about the 2020 election being stolen. As explosive as these revelations may be, there is one aspect of Murdoch’s testimony that has largely gone unreported. Murdoch, according to his own sworn testimony, has known for quite some time that Tucker Carlson fucks sheep.

“I mean, I don’t think anyone should really all that surprised to find out that I knew our hosts were lying. The Daily Show exists to this day because of how much lying we have done, and will always do,” Murdoch laughed during his testimony. “But if we’re gonna just let the cats out of all the bags today, let me really drop a bombshell on you: I’ve known for two decades that Tucker Carlson is a sheep fucker.”

Audible gasps could be heard in the courtroom.

“I don’t think we’re shocked to find that out, Mr. Murdoch,” Dominion’s lawyer answered, “I think we’re just surprised that you’re being so candid today.”

Murdoch laughed out loud again.

“It must be the sodium pentothal I had my private chef mix in with my morning immigrant’s blood milkshake, I don’t know. Maybe I just feel like it’s time to change it all up,” Murdoch continued. “But let me be clear, because Tucker has a reputation to protect. Yes, of course he fucks sheep. One look at him would confirm this, but obviously only the white ones. His morals are quite consistent.”

In a brief written statement, Carlson did not deny the allegations, but offered an explanation for his sheep fuckery.

“What can I say, I’m a baaaaaaddddd boy and calling liberals sheeple for so long must have created some kind of sinful, lustful desire in me to fuck sheep,” Carlson admitted in a blog post. “So, sue me. Just kidding, don’t sue me, then I’ll have to admit under oath again how full of shit I am and that no intelligent person should take what I say as truthful.”

@jamboschlarmbo Maybe this is #satire, but is it really? #foxnews #rupertmurdoch #tuckercarlson #Dominion ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

Follow James: PostTikTokTwitterInstagramFacebook

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This