Three Top Attorneys Have Already Offered to Represent Trump for Free

The entire MAGA movement is on pins and needles. The other shoe seems poised to drop, and even the leader of their cult of personality seems resigned to the fact that he will be arrested and charged with illegally bribing a porn star to stay quiet about having sex with him. While pro-MAGA Americans have certainly gotten used to rumors of their Dear President’s impending legal demise over the years, this time it seems New York City District Attorney Alvin Bragg does indeed have Donald Trump in his prosecutorial crosshairs.

Panicked MAGAs have at least three reasons to let out a huge sigh of relief, however, because three of the nation’s most famous and personally successful attorneys have each offered to represent Trump, pro bono, in his potentially upcoming criminal trial.

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“Obviously, Mr. Trump is quite elated at the absolute flood of support he’s gotten from every corner of the Bible Belt and Confederacy,” Trump Organization spokesman Sal Bennett told us today in a Skype interview, “but he never could have imagined that three attorneys like Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, or Crooked Hillary Clinton would offer their legal services, pro bono, to his cause.”

Mr. Bennett indicated Trump isn’t sure which, if any, of the three attorneys he’ll pick to represent him against charges that he illegally paid hush money to Stormy Daniels.

“The fact of the matter is that former President Trump isn’t sure he wants any of them to be his attorney, because he’s so used to hiring incompetent lackeys who just do as they’re told,” Bennett explained. “He thinks he’d feel lost and confused if he was working with people who had any clue what the fuck it is they’re supposed to be doing.”

Mr. Bennett has indicated that Trump will make a decision shortly as to who will be his legal representation in New York City.

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I think #Trump should consider their offer. #BarackObama #MichelleObama #HillaryClinton #satire #ArrestTrump #politics #politik #trumparrested

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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