The adult content aggregation site PornStop has released its latest batch of search statistics and decided to break down the results by red state versus blue state. Nationally, the results show that certain terms are consistently found around the country — like “MILF” or “big snoobs.” Broken down into red versus blue states, however, there are big differences in the search terms used.
In states won by Donald J. Trump, alleged billionaire and confirmed trust fund racist, the search term most often used was “daddy/daughter.” The rest of the five most used terms are seen in the table below.
Top 5 PornStop Search Terms In Trump States
|Search Term||% of Searches|
|Anything not racist||2%|
This morning, Mr. Trump was found in the Oval Office, coming out of the bathroom for his routine four hour “executive time.” Trump answered reporters’ questions about the porn search data. He said he’s “never been one to judge anyone unless they’re a woman and only then by their looks” and he clarified that “by looks [he means] their tits and asses.”
Trump also said it’s “only natural to be curious how your family members fuck, especially if they’re hot like [his] daughter is.”
“I’ve got to make this very quick guys, because I’m about to hop on a phone call with my close, personal friend, the President of Texas,” Trump told reporters, “but I just wanted to say that I’m happy for every vote I get. I personally find incest to be disgusting, and that’s why as tempting as it’s always been, I’ve kept my relationship with my darling, beautiful, sexy, hot as hell daughter Ivanka from reaching that next level. And believe me, folks, it would be absolutely friggin’ hot if she and I did it. But no, I won’t. As much as I want to, I won’t.”
Trump said that despite his own ability to “resist Hot Ivanka,” he doesn’t blame others who indulge in their secret incestuous fantasies.
“Hey, I get it,” Trump said, “sometimes as a God fearing, ammo-hoarding patriot, you just take one look at your tremendously good looking daughter and want to take a poke at her. I’m not going to judge anyone for that. It’s not like they’re suggesting that we take care of the sick, or feed the hungry, or shelter the homeless. That’s disgusting, anti-American nonsense. But laying the wood to your own flesh and blood? That’s just, you know, a different kind of special patriotism, if you ask me.”
Evangelicals for Trump, a political action committee made up of prominent members of the religious right, issued a statement condemning PornStop but praising the president’s stance on incest.
“The Bible itself contains numerous references to family members getting their hibbity-dibbity on,” Evangelicals for Trump wrote in a statement issued to the press, “and so we find it quite heartening that our dear president responded to the disgustingness published by the smut purveying website PornStop with true, good, clean, Christian values. We look forward to welcoming the End Times with you all very shortly. God Bless Trump.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.