CUCKTOWN, COMMIEFORNIA — Robert T. Antifa started his Fortune 420 company more than thirty years ago in one of Commiefornia’s most progressive cancel culture community re-education centers. Mr. Antifa, in his memoir entitled Using Socialism to Un-America America, divulged that Antifa, Inc. was the brainchild of himself, George Soros, and the ghost of Karl Marx.
“Karl, George, and I all knew and agreed on one thing — we had to destroy America, and we had to do it by making racists, xenophobes, and other bigots ashamed of their hatred,” Robert Antifa wrote. “Sinister, isn’t it? We were quite proud of the idea, and to this day, Antifa, Inc. is the leading the fight against American liberty by way of holding people accountable for the harm they’ve caused others.”
Over the years, Mr. Antifa estimates his company has donated billions of dollars to Democrats in state, local, and national races. He doesn’t deny that his organization considers itself liberal, and proudly backs a progressive agenda. But as much as Antifa, Inc. has given to Democrats and considers itself a liberal group, Bobby Antifa is “sick and damn tired” of liberals calling his company “just an idea.”
During a recent Libtar-TED Talk, Mr. Antifa addressed the questions that keep coming up about whether Antifa is an organization, or if it’s more of an ideology. Mr. Antifa made it very clear where he stands on that controversy. Antifa is a “very much a real organization,” and they even “have ID cards and a secret handshake.”
“I just wish these liberals in the media and politics would stop calling us just an idea. We file a Schedule C every year and we have a board of trustees for chrissakes,” Bobby said. “It’s a slap in the face to the six million people we pay to troll conservatives on social media to call our very real organization just a concept. Damn it, do ideologies have ID cards and a secret handshake?”
Geroge Soros, the CEO of Antifa, Inc. echoed its founders sentiments in an interview with Boogeymen Weekly.
“I understand the inclination to hide all our nefarious deeds from the prying eyes of sharp Republicans,” Soros told the magazine, “but it does strike me as quite an insult to our employees that they’d be made to feel invisible by their elected officials.”
Bobby Antifa just hopes that one day he lives in a world where his company is “treated with the same dignity and respect other very real companies get.”
“I don’t see Unicorn Farts or Loch Ness Monster Holdings, or the Catholic Church being treated with such disdain and fear,” Mr. Antifa observed. “So I just hope one day my staff will be given the same dignity as those companies get.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.