DeSantis to Write Memoir: “How to Let 33,000 People Die and Still Be Considered a Success”

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) has been taking a victory lap in the media this week, touting the fact that his state’s economy seems to be booming, despite the covid-19 pandemic outbreak. DeSantis attributes his state’s financial success to the fact that he never issued a full lockdown order, and didn’t press citizens to wear masks.

This morning, DeSantis announced that he has inked a deal with a book publisher to write a memoir about his experiences while leading Florida through the outbreak.

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“My new book, titled How to let 33,000 People Die and Still be Considered a Success, will hit shelves later this year,” DeSantis said today, “and I couldn’t be more excited. I think Floridians, and even Americans in general, would love to hear about how it’s possible to sit back and watch over 30,000 people die and not lift a finger, and yet still get labeled a success. Everyone wants to fail upward like that.”

DeSantis has been accused by a former contractor employed by the state to compile covid-19 statistics of cooking his state’s books. While Gov. DeSantis has denied those allegations, the truth remains that even the officially reported death count from his state means tens of thousands of Floridians died. DeSantis oversees a state with half the population of California’s, but had a death count 60% of California’s. It’s unclear why DeSantis is so convinced that lockdowns didn’t work when his state’s covid numbers don’t look much better by comparison to states that did lockdown.

“I’m also pleased to announce that my book will contain a foreword by my Forever President, Donald John ‘Tiny Dong’ Trump,” DeSantis announced. “As soon as he finishes his remedial literacy courses, I’m sure it’ll be the most impactful foreword ever written.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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