Trumpers Outraged “Classless” Pelosi Ripped Up Pussy Grabbing, Nazi Defending Birther’s Speech

All across America, patriotic, tough, hard-as-nails, salt of the earth, bootstrap pulling, rugged individualist, conservative Pro-Trump pundits and voters are screeching and writhing, seething with anger. At the center of these no-nonsense, serious, stoic Americans’ ire? Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.

At the end of President Donald Trump’s third State of the Union speech — which is reportedly going to be submitted to the Emmys for consideration in the “Best Reality TV Circus Sideshow” category — Speaker Pelosi performatively ripped the script, just a foot or two behind the president. It was a moment of obvious political theater, but as some have pointed out, it could also have been a shrewd and calculated move by Pelosi to take away attention from the substance of the address, and make sure people were mostly talking about her act of willful destruction.

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Pelosi seemed to relish the moment, giving herself a faint smile as she ripped the papers in half.

It wasn’t long before Trump’s supporters took to social and traditional media outlets to lambast Pelosi as “classless.” Hashtags such as #ClasslessNancy and #Pelosimeltdown started trending on Twitter. By the morning hours, the president had begun retweeting people attacking and criticising Pelosi for ripping up his speech. The official White House Twitter account tried to imply that in ripping up a piece of paper with words on it, Pelosi was actually ripping up historically significant Americans and others who are mentioned in the speech.

Some Twitter users believe Speaker Pelosi might have violated a law mandating the preservation of historical records. However, others were quick to point out that what she tore up was a copy of the speech. Others pointed out that she was only getting into the spirit of Republicanism, shredding Trump’s speech like he and Congressional Republicans have been shredding the Constitution during his presidency, particularly when it comes to the impeachment trial that should wrap up today with most, if not all, Republicans in the Senate voting to acquit Trump.

Vice President Pence, speaking to three automatons on Fox News, called Pelosi’s shredding of the speech a “new low.” Former Trump administration official Nikki Haley felt the world needed more of her opinions on a subject, and tweeted her displeasure that Pelosi ripped up a “speech that mentioned lives we’ve lost.” Haley — a woman who worked for a man who called poor countries with brown-skinned people living in them “shit holes” — said that ripping up a piece of paper “unbecoming of someone” in a position of power like Pelosi.

On WKKK AM Talk Radio’s Chip Chatterly show, caller after caller howled and screamed about the “treason,” “disrespect,” and “disloyalty” that Pelosi put on display.

“Sure, our Dear President says he wants to fuck his own daughter,” one caller told Chatterly, “but Pelosi has to be the most disgraceful politician in American history. I’d rather have six Hitlers be Speaker than one woman who dared to rip up a few pieces of paper with a political speech on it!”

Chatterly himself voiced his “outrage” and “deep sadness” about Pelosi ripping up the speech. He said that it shows “just how far the Democrats have sunk,” and he warned them that if they continue to “display non-violent dissent in public” they will “only push more people to vote for the guy who put brown babies in cages.”

“Look, you could argue that filling up college athletes with greasy fast food isn’t classy. You could make a pretty solid argument that 95% of the words that he tweets from the crapper are not either,” Chatterly said. “Of course, he didn’t shake her hand when the speech started, and just kind of tossed the speech at her, so he was classless first last night, and anyone who steals money from kids with cancer can’t call someone classless without risking looking like a major hypocrite. But all that being said — what Nancy Pelosi did made me sad, and as a conservative I’ve been taught feelings are a moral failing, and feeling feelings makes me angry and punchy, and just makes me want to elect that racist fraud con man for four more years!”

On Fox News, Steve Doocy said he “won’t be surprised” if Pelosi’s stunt “backfires completely.”

“Does she really think she’s going to make anyone abandon Trump with that stunt she pulled,” Doocy asked. “We’ve stood by our dear president after we found out he’s a pussy grabbing seuxal predator who doesn’t think defending Nazis is a bad look. And this was after he spent half a decade calling Obama un-American because he’s black. Literally nothing he does will turn us off to supporting him. So I think all she’s done is gotten Trump another six or seven hundred thousand votes this year.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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