D.C. Area Restaurant Offers The Nunes Memo Burger

WASHINGTON, D.C. — At local restaurants in the nation’s capital, business moves at the speed of politics sometimes. This morning, looking to capitalize on the buzz around D.C. surrounding Rep. Devin Nunes’ (R-CA) memo alleging FISA court abuses, one restaurant quickly introduced a new menu item, and the head chef predicts “bigly sales” of the new item.

“This morning we created the Nunes Memo Burger and added it to our menu,” Chef Robert Robinksy of Capitol Burgers told us via Skype. “We’ve already seen a lot of interest in it, just since we put it out on our Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Grindr, Tinder, Tumblr, Bumblr, and Shmabubu accounts. This one’s gonna be a hot ticket item, I can just feel it.”

Preparation for the Nunes Memo Burger is the easiest any item on his menu has ever been, Robinksy said. That’s because there is only one ingredient in the burger, two if you count the Russian dressing it comes smothered in.

“Yeah, all we do is take a couple buns, slather them with Russian dressing, and put them on the plate or in a to-go bag, and that’s it,” Chef Robinsky told us. “I’m going to save a small fortune in my ingredient costs on this one. If it becomes our number one selling burger, I might be able to retire in a couple years.”

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Chef Robinksy said Capitol Burgers didn’t just slap together the idea for the Nunes Memo Burger today, though. Followers of the restaurant’s social media channels have seen them hyping a new, “ground shaking, earth shattering, bombshell of a burger” that would “change the way Americans view burgers forever.” Robinksy showed us several posts he made hyping the burger to impossible levels, which he said was all part of a meta viral ad campaign.

“We wanted people to get the same sense of anticipation for our Nunes Memo Burger as they were getting for the memo itself,” Robinksy said.

Sales of the Nunes Memo Burger have thus far been brisk, but the reaction has been very mixed, Robinksy said.

“It’s interesting, most people who buy it are disappointed when they find out there’s no meat there, but people in MAGA hats say it’s the best burger they’ve ever had, and they give us the one-armed 45-degree salute to show us their appreciation for it,” Robinksy said. “I’ll be curious to see if that trend holds up or not.”

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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