Nancy Pelosi Asks Bob Mueller to Swear Her In As Speaker of the House

WASHINGTON. D.C. — When she raises her right hand and is sworn in as the Speaker of the House for the 116th Congress of the United States of America, Nancy Pelosi wants to be sworn-in by non other than FBI Special Counselor Robert Mueller.

Pelosi also gave an interview to NBC News that aired today, in which she did not rule out indictment of President Trump, should Mueller’s investigation conclude that should be the case. Pelosi said it’s still not a matter of settled law if a president can be indicted or not. It’s unclear thus far just how hard House Democrats will push to start impeachment proceedings once they control the legislative body.

“I’m not sure if Bob’s got the time or not, but I wanted to really start 2019 off with a bang, something to grab everyone’s attention,” Pelosi said before pausing slightly to think. “Well, I want to grab a certain bloated orange someone’s attention, at least.”

Pelosi will be sworn-in twice today. She will be first sworn into office by Vice President Mike Pence, who will have her take the oath of office that every member of the House takes. Then, later today, she will be sworn in as the official Speaker of the House, taking the gavel from retiring Congressman Paul Ryan (R-WI). It’s the second swearing-in that Pelosi hopes Mueller will be able to perform.

“We’ve checked the House rules and we can’t find anything that says someone specific has to give me the Speaker oath,” Pelosi said. “And I just think this is a great way for Bob and I to start what I can only assume will be a very productive working relationship over the next couple of years.”

Speaker-elect Pelosi says she’ll also install something a little out of the ordinary when she takes the gavel from Ryan.

“I’m going to have a box of Snapple Peach Mint Tea put on the dais,” Pelosi said. “So before every session opens, I’ll stand on the box, look down at my feet, and say, ‘Mmmm. Peach-mint! You know, because there’s a box of peach mint tea down there, of course.”

Mr. Mueller’s office has yet to respond to the request, but the White House has issued a statement following Pelosi’s request that the special counsel’s office send Mueller to the rotunda to swear her in later today.

“The president finds this development alarming, shocking, and bigly horrible,” Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters. “President Trump thinks it’d be far more appropriate to have Pelosi sworn in by someone in her own political party, such as one of the 1.6 trillion angry Democrats on Mueller’s payroll.”

This story is developing.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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