MyPillow Guy and Marjorie Taylor Greene Share a Crack Dealer and Loyalty to Trump

On a recent episode of Steve Bannon’s klan rally/podcast, Mike Lindell, founder and CEO of MyPillow, promised the MAGA faithful that their messiah would return to power in August after the Supreme Court got done hearing the evidence he’ll present to it.

While it’s unclear what case Mr. Lindell thinks he’ll be before the Supreme Court to argue, some have wondered why he would open himself to more lawsuits. In the weeks and months that have followed since his good buddy Donald Trump was defeated in last year’s election, Lindell has acted as a broken spigot, firing a torrent of reality-adjacent claims that Joe Biden “stole” the election from Trump. Lindell’s accusations have been so forceful and incessant that he’s the subject of a lawsuit brought by the voting machine companies he’s claimed, without offering any proof, helped Biden’s thievery.

MORE: To ‘Secure Elections,’ Mississippi Republicans Want to Outlaw the 13th and 14th Amendments

Lindell told Bannon when he was asked for a source for his claims that he has “friends in the Swamp” that tell him things. After some brief speculation from Bannon as to who is friend might be, Lindell let the cat out of the bag, and revealed which crazy cat lady he shares a connection with.

“It’s actually Marjorie Taylor Greene. Well, to be specific, her crack dealer,” Lindell explained. “We have the same guy who supplies us with the crack. You know, that we smoke. Because we’re a couple of fuckin’ crackheads.”

According to Lindell, he and Rep. Greene met at a cocktail party honoring former President Donald Trump. Lindell and Greene ended up talking about a lot of things that night. They found they had “developed an unbreakable bond” by the end of the party.

“We both love Donald Trump. We both love America,” Lindell explained, “and we both love crack. She told me that she has the best crack guy in town. I knew she wasn’t lying, just based on the things she said and did. So I told her to hook me up with her crack guy’s number, and the rest is history.”

When he finally met Greene’s crack dealer, Lindell told Bannon it was “quite a relief” to find out the crack dealer’s politics meshed so well with his own.

“Crazily enough, Marjorie found a crack dealer who was very pro-Trump! I’d say that proves something about how great crack is, but I don’t want the Antifa sponsored cancel culture warriors to come for me,” Lindell said, “so I’ll leave it there. But it sure does feel great buying my crack from an America First vendor.”

Ms. Taylor Greene was too busy hitting that glass dick to provide comment on this story.

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.

MORE: Matt Gaetz Mocks Biden For Not Licking a Single Authoritarian Dictator’s Taint Yet


 

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Leave a reply

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here