It’s one of the most burning questions, and the answer likely won’t come for at least another year or more, but that hasn’t stopped the media from speculating about it. Will Donald Trump lose the popular vote one more time? According to his former Chief of Propaganda and current Fox News Vapid Blonde Fuckmuppet #1,325 Kayleigh McEnany the answer to that question is “clear and obvious.”
“Did you all see his speech this weekend? I watched every second of it, and I was blown away that at least 15% of his speech could be called English, and even 5% of it was cogent,” McEnany said. “He also looks like he’ll be singlehandedly bringing the Kris Kross backwards pants fashion back. And that makes sense because we Republicans want to bring things back to where they were in the 90’s. The 1790’s, but still.”
McEnany scoffed at questions from other media outlets about whether Trump has lost a step, or will have the stamina to run in 2024.
“I think that’s a pretty ridiculous thing to say. I’ve personally seen this man eat over six dozen Chicken McNuggets — he calls them nuggies — and he still had enough energy and room for five vanilla shakes,” McEnany explained. “He doesn’t drink the chocolate ones on account of them being brown and him racist and all. But the point is, Donald Trump has more than enough stamina to lose the popular vote a third time.”
In American history, few men have been elected president despite not winning the raw popular vote total. The Electoral College does allow for that scenario, but by and large whomever has won the popular vote has tended to also win the presidency. Trump, however, is one of two Republicans in the past thirty years to need the Electoral College’s popular vote loophole to slip through and into the Oval Office. George W. Bush, in 2000, won the White House despite not getting the votes of more Americans than Democrat Al Gore.
“I’ll tell you this much, having worked with and smelled that man’s farts for a long time,” McEnany promised, “Donald John Trump will be back. He will be back as man times as he wants. He will lose the popular vote sixteen thousand times before he dies if he feels like it. Because he can manipulate the space time continuum and he has magical powers beyond the likes of your wildest dreams! I stake my very valuable reputation as a truth teller on this, folks!”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.