Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the events of January 6th, 2021 aware that he will no longer be cooperating with them.

Instead, Meadows’ attorney told reporters, he will “plead the filth.”

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“Most Americans know about the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution protecting citizens from having to testify and incriminating themselves, however there’s another, much less known clause of the amendment for scumbag assholes, or filth, and our client will be availing himself of those privileges, should he be compelled to testify before your committee,” Meadows’ attorneys wrote in a statement to the January 6th committee.

Lest week, Meadows made headlines when he agreed to work with the committee that is investigating whether his former boss, one-term President Don Trump, had a role in the failed insurrection of that fateful day. Buzz on the Hill is that news sent Trump into a spastic fit, some saying he soiled himself so badly even First Lady Ivanka refused to change his adult diaper. Whether or not Trump contacted Meadows and ordered him to reverse course is unknown, however as of this moment, Meadows will not be helping the committee any longer.

“Even racist asshole birthers like Mr. Meadows have the right not to self-incriminate, and we intend to vigorously defend our client’s rights,” Meadows’ lawyers informed the committee.

“It’s highly inappropriate for you to be snooping into his conversations with former King God Emperor Don Trump, but since the people who wrote the Constitution clearly were Never Trumpers on a witch hunt, we can’t do anything about it. However, we will still keep our client from testifying against himself, and ask that you respect his right, as human filth, to do exactly that.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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