Trump Announces Next MAGA Rally Will Be Held in Rittenhouse Courtroom

FARTS-A-LAGO, FLORIDA — Former, one term, twice-forever-impeached President Donald Trump announced plans to hold another MAGA rally, and the venue might not be all that surprising to anyone.

“I hereby decree as your once King and Ruler, that I shall be holding a MAGA rally next week, and let me just tell you, folks, it’s gonna be absolutely bigly,” Trump wrote in a statement he could not post himself to any social media accounts.

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“We’ve gotten word that Judge Bruce Schroeder has agreed to handover control of his courtroom to us, just like he’s handed control of Kyle Rittenhouse’s murder trial to Kyle’s defense team! Imagine how much fun it will be chanting ‘Hang Mike Pence’ in an actual courtroom where a clearly MAGA-AF judge holds court, literally? Make sure to get your tickets now, folks, grab ’em by the handful, if you have to. Bring your friends, even if they don’t want to go! FORCE THEM.”

Schroeder has reportedly volunteered to not only let his courtroom be the venue for Trump’s next rally, he’ll handle the DJ-ing duties that night as well.

“Judge Schroeder has graciously offered to let us put a microphone up to his cell phone, and we can just keep calling it over and over, so it’ll play that Lee Greenwood song we all heard in the courtroom the other day,” Trump spokesdouche Jason Miller told OANN this moring.

“It’s gonna be a real hell of a time. We’re told Judge Schroeder is even considering letting Kyle come and party with us! It’ll be a fun time for the whole klan, and we hope to see everyone there.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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