Inspired by Cruz, Next Episode of “Sesame Street” Will Be Brought to You By the Letters “C-U-N-T”

Right from its inception, the educational television show “Sesame Street” has sought to inform and teach young kids about the world around them, as well as to instruct them in basic literacy. In the 1970’s, the show helped a drive to get children vaccinated, however, when Big Bird recently tweeted that he had gotten himself a COVID-19 vaccine, encouraging other kids to do the same, he elicited a spate of angry invective from Sen. Ted Cruz of Cancun.

Cruz lashed out at Big Bird, calling his tweet “government propaganda.” However, Cruz didn’t stop with just one mean tweet; he continued to assail the icon of educational programming throughout the weekend. During an interview on Fox News, Cruz explained why he went so “hard and fast at Big Bird.”

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“It’s no government’s job to politely encourage its citizens to protect themselves from a preventable, but infectious disease. It’s also not the place of puppets to do, either,” Cruz said.

“As a puppet myself, I can assure you, all we are supposed to do is whatever our campaign donors, right-wing media, or King God Emperor Don Trump tell us to do. Everything is literally socialism, and will make America die of full-blown communism.”

This morning, the Children’s Television Workshop and HBO announced that Sen. Cruz had inspired them, and they will have a special sponsor for the next episode of “Sesame Street.” For decades, the show has had a running gag in which letters and numbers are listed as commercial sponsors of the show. The next episode, the show announced, will have four individual letters that it’s “brought to you by.”

The show’s producers made the announcement in a written statement, reprinted below.

Sen. Cruz has always been someone to provide inspiration for Americans. Whether it’s the inspiration needed to push diarrhea out of our colons, or to stick hot pokers in our pee-pee holes, Ted is indeed quite the inspiration. We are pleased to announce that Ted has inspired us to step outside the box, and for the first time ever, four letters, spelling an acronym about Sen. Cruz himself, will be the show’s sponsors.

It takes a real piece of work to criticize a puppet for making kids feel safe about taking a very safe, life saving vaccine. It takes a piece of work that’s also a piece of shit to do that when you claim to be “pro-life.” Ted Cruz is such a piece of work that’s such a piece of shit, and he truly deserves this acronym, that will serve as a reminder and homage to the man so brave that he will, eventually, sort of, stand up for his wife after someone calls her ugly, in public.

C – for Cruz

U – for Unwavering

N – for Never Surrendering

T – for Trump, whose genitals and anus Sen. Cruz is unwavering in his loyalty to, and whose support Ted never surrenders.

That’s right, thanks to Ted Cruz, the next episode of “Sesame Street” will be brought to you by the letters C-U-N-T, and the date January 6th. Don’t miss this very special episode!

Cruz’s office could not be reached for comment.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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