A rich, racist old man on a cable news television show recently made quite a few heads scratch when he defended the record of another rich, racist old man who happens to be president. This racist old man on television claimed that the racist old man in the White House has “done more for African Americans” in American than any other president since Lincoln.
“This President has done more for African Americans in this country than any President since Lincoln.” (Raw Story)
What makes this comment so odd, and perhaps the most hilariously self-unaware proclamation in the history of humanity, is that both old, racist, white men are Birthers. That is to say that each man believed and promulgated the racist myth that former President Barack Hussein Obama was not born in America, and therefore was not eligible to be president. This rumor started completely on the back of Obama’s dark skin, his non-Anglo name, and his family ancestry. However, despite the fact that Obama provided ample evidence that he was in fact born in Hawaii, both the racist old TV host and the racist white collar crook in chief hounded him publicly for more and more evidence that he was in fact born in the United States.
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In fact, the idea that the racist old president has done more for black Americans than any president other than Lincoln may have threatened the world’s supply of irony, says the National Warehouse of Irony and Humorous Coincidence. According to a press conference held by the NWIHC, when the racist old cable TV host made that claim, he put the country’s entire stockpile of irony at risk. Carol Carolsby, NWIHC spokesperson, explained the situation to reporters.
“This was perhaps the most ironic statement uttered in American politics in the last couple of centuries,” Carolsby, “In truth, just the fact that a notorious birther had the audacity to chime-in on what’s good or bad for African Americans was enough to take a serious bite out of the irony supplies. But when he made that extremely ridiculous claim about a man who said there were good people marching alongside Nazis, and not in jest, he threatened an even more precious resource — our unintentional irony inventory. If he doesn’t knock it off, and soon, we could run completely out of irony.”
Carolsby said that this isn’t the first time that the racist president has been at the center of a threat to the country’s irony supply.
“Every time he speaks at a prayer breakfast, or invokes his deep Christian faith,” Carolsby announced, “the president directly jeopardizes our irony. Imagine the kind of lack of self-awareness it takes to be one of the world’s most famous philanderers — a man who has paid off multiple women with thousands of dollars to keep their sexual affairs private — claiming to be a super-Christian. Imagine the irony it takes for the party of so-called family values to throw their support behind a thrice married racist moron who can’t even remember all his kids’ names. The only thing that makes this man biblical is his apparent willingness to bed someone he’s related to.”
In a statement to the press, the racist TV anchor explained himself.
“While it’s true that the racist president harassed Barack Obama for his birth certificate because he was black, didn’t rent to black people in the 1970’s and was sued by the federal government because of it, and tried to get the Central Park 5 executed after they were exonerated because they were black,” the statement reads, “that other racist old man isn’t really that racist. That’s all I was trying to point out.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.