Local Moron Doesn’t Understand Difference Between Climate and Weather

FARTKNOCKER FALLS, IDAHO — 52 year old Matt Ricci does not believe that climate change poses “all that much a threat” to human existence, that it’s “prolly a Chinese hoax,” and that he’s “sick to death of libtards ramming it down everyone’s throats.” Ricci also has a reputation in his small Idaho town for being a complete and total moron, and he was even officially elected Town Moron in a landslide vote during last year’s midterm elections. The campaign to have him named Town Moron stems from his climate denialism, and the fact that every year, several times throughout the year, Matt shows up to city council meetings on climate change’s impact and what officials should do about it, and makes jokes about global warming.

“I like to show up on particularly cold days in winter and ask them if they’d like any of that global warming now,” Matt told us via Skype, “which is, if you ask me, some of my best material. Pretty much every joke I tell is a version of that joke. I’ll even reverse it and if it’s been cold and rainy one spring or summer day, I’ll ask them where all the global warming is. I’m pretty fucking hilarious for a conservative, anyway.”

Sharon Tomjoyavich, a local resident who helped spearhead the effort to officially name Ricci as the Town Moron, said it was a simple choice for the city, and that Matt himself “did all the campaigning he needed with his stupid fucking corny-ass jokes.” Another time, Sharon says she saw a woman at a city council meeting get right in Matt’s face and scream at him to “shut all the fucks all the way up” and the woman called him a “bargain basement fuckwit” to boot.

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“He kept making the idiotic jokes when was cold,” Sharon told us, “so I can’t blame the lady who screamed in his face to shut up.”

Another resident, Shad Stone, told us that what really irks him is that Ricci’s jokes rely on ignoring science “we all learned in third grade.”

“Jesus Christ, man, we all learn the difference between temporary weather patterns and sustained climate conditions in third grade,” Stone told us, “and he just won’t stop making the jokes! They’re so dumb. So very, very, very, very dumb. Weather and climate aren’t the same things, you hacky douche horn.”

Ricci was pleasantly surprised to find out that the title of Town Moron opened up some new career opportunities for him. Though he says he’s never really considered making a living in comedy, he’s been approached by “true luminaries of conservative comedy” and he’s going to go tour with a few of them this fall.

“They offered me a tour with other hilarious conservative comedians like Steven Crowder, Will Chamberlain, and a literal burning cross,” Matt said, “so I’m pretty stoked to be taking my hacky and corny jokes that have no basis in actual reality on the road!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”

James’ newest satirical compilation is out now and available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and soon at WalMart.com.

James' newest satirical compilation is out now and available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and soon at WalMart.com.

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