FT. STUPID, TEXAS — Former reality-TV game show host, podcaster, and world’s foremost infectious disease expert Joe Rogan doesn’t believe that water is wet, and even taking a shower, live on his podcast, did not change his mind.
It all started when Rogan and his co-host were discussing COVID-19 vaccinations. Rogan once more tried to imply that vaccines increase the risk of heart problems in children, and compared his views on that issue to his views on water.
“All I’m saying is I don’t believe it, okay? It’s no different than my stance on water. It’s not wet. It can make things wet, but think about it, man! It needs something ELSE to make that happen. So is it that water makes things wet, Jamie, or is it that something is pre-wet and then water completes the reaction? Like, a chemtrail, maybe,” Rogan supposed.
Despite millions of educated people accepting it as truth, Rogan said he remains “extremely sketchy on the whole wetness factor” of water.
“Jamie, google things that actually make Ben Shapiro’s wife wet for me, would you? I don’t believe water is going to be on that list, I really don’t,” Rogan said at one point.
Eventually, someone in the room proposed that Rogan “do your own research,” live during the recording. Rogan thought this was a great idea and began to think of ways to test the hypothesis. They settled on Rogan taking a shower, but one more obstacle had to be overcome.
“I use a special shower at home, though,” Rogan wondered aloud, “and I’m not sure we can have a shower built in the studio that’s also got a showerhead only four feet above the drain in such a short amount of time.”
Ultimately, Rogan agreed to use the “big boy shower” his studio came equipped with. He stripped down, and Rogan entered the shower stall. The next ten minutes were spent by Mr. Rogan washing various body parts. When he exited the shower, he was soaked from head to toe.
“Are you wet,” his co-host asked Rogan.
“You bet I am wet,” Rogan replied.
“Do you think it’s because you just took a shower,” Rogan’s co-host pressed him.
Rogan simply laughed.
“I’m not convinced, bro, I’m not convinced,” Rogan said. “Jamie, do me a favor and google water-induced psychosis, okay?”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.