CAPE CANVERAL, FLORIDA — Lieutenant Commander Jesus Hubert Christ has officially checked in for his first day of duty in the newly minted joint “Religious Freedom and Space Task Force” created by the Donald Trump presidential administration.
Christ is among hundreds of volunteers who enlisted to serve in Trump’s task force dedicated freedom of religion and space exploration. For months, Trump teased his desire to form a space force, and just this week his attorney general announced a new religious freedom task force. This morning, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters that budget concerns have forced the administration to combine the space force and religious freedom task forces into one group, dedicated to spreading “good, clean, ammo-hoarding Christianity across the known and unknown universes,” Huckabee said.
“The president understands the need to placate both his rabid evangelical base and to trot out dog and pony show distractions from the ongoing special counsel investigation into Russian hacking of our elections,” Huckabee Sanders said. “So we are extremely pleased that Lt. Commander Christ decided to join our ranks, and serve in the finest, most powerful religious freedom space task force in the history of the world.”
For his part, Lt. Commander Christ says he is “extremely excited” to explore the far reaches of space and conduct intergalactic missionary missions, and he says his father is very interested in seeing what results the task force can produce.
“Dad is super excited because obviously since we run one of the biggest afterlife timeshares it would be pretty great for our revenue if we’re able to make some sales to alien creatures and life forms,” Christ said. “And you know, I’m really looking forward to the travel. Believe it or not, Dad’s only ever let me go to Earth, and frankly Earth is boring as fuck now.”
This is a developing story.