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Jesus Gives Permission to MAGA to Worship Trump Instead

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity, Inc., told reporters today that he and his father have decided to give members of the MAGA movement what he called "special consideration" and permission to...

Mike Pence Asks Heaven If Jesus Could Join Coronavirus Response Team

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, the Executive Vice President of Trinity, Inc., held his weekly press conference before the Pearly Gates this morning and discussed a number of topics ranging from "who put the bop in...

Jesus Christ: “Dude, What The Fuck’s Up With The MyPillow Guy?”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This week, Jesus Hubert Christ was overheard talking to his coworkers and colleagues in the heavenly break room while they all watched a coronavirus task force press conference from the White House lawn. When...

Lt. Commander Jesus Herbert Christ Reports For Duty On First Day on Trump’s Religious Freedom Space Task Force

CAPE CANVERAL, FLORIDA -- Lieutenant Commander Jesus Hubert Christ has officially checked in for his first day of duty in the newly minted joint "Religious Freedom and Space Task Force" created by the Donald Trump presidential administration. Christ is among hundreds...

Jesus Christ to Americans: “Thoughts and Prayers Aren’t Made of Kevlar”

"They aren't going to stop anything, least of which being a high-speed projectile fired at terminal velocity."

Jesus Unsure Where Christian Conservatives’ Christianity Is

If you're a Christian Conservative, Jesus Christ wants to know how he'd be able to listen to you speak and know you're a Christian.

Mitch McConnell Prays For Jesus’ Guiding Hand To Rip Chemo Treatments Away from Kids With Cancer

Mitch McConnell has resorted to reaching out to a higher power in the pursuit of his dream -- ripping healthcare away from millions of Americans.

Asked About Trump’s “Religious Freedom” Order, Jesus Christ Does the Jack-Off Gesture

Don't ask Jesus Christ about the religious freedom order Donald Trump just signed. Not unless you want a sarcastic reply.

Jesus Christ Reads Transcript of Trump’s NRA Speech to Children of Sandy Hook Massacre

While President Trump gave his speech to the NRA, Jesus "Hubert" Christ translated and read it to the young victims of the Sandy Hook Massacre.
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DeSantis Offers $5,000 to Any Cop With COVID That Makes Out With Him

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- The Governor of Florida is bound and determined to get police officers unvaccinated against COVID-19 to...
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