A new line of toys designed for “growing little fascists” has inked a major deal with an elected member of Congress, making her the spokesperson and star of the toys themselves.
“It is with great pleasure that we announce Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene will be the long and wonderful likeness of My Little PonyFace,” PatrioToys CEO Mark McGee told reporters today. “We couldn’t be any happier to trot Mango as we call her around the office out here right now to show off these fantastic toys, which all look a lot like her!”
McGee gestured to a small wooden table in front of him. On the table was an assortment of little plastic, pale white ponies with Trump 2024 tramp stamp tattoos and straw from a witch’s broom for hair. Each toy, McGee announced, would come with several fun accessories.
“Just like her real-life inspiration, Mango Cracksmoke comes with her own glass dick,” McGee said, “and assorted rocks she can cook up and smoke while telling Mike Lindell she believes every word he says! Fun for the whole klan!”
PatrioToys expects to have My Little PonyFace toys and clothing on store shelves in the late fall, just in time for the holiday shopping season. A cartoon featuring the very same characters that children can buy and play with at home is also in development.
“Y’all, I’m so stoked to be partnering with my good shootin’ buddies from PatrioToys! Little kids all over this great nation will be able to pretend they’re ridin’ ol’ CrayCray TayTay and Mango Blondie StupidPants into battle against libtards and commies,” Greene shouted at everyone. “Make sure to get yours when they hit stores, fellow Americans!”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.