Greene Accuses Biden of ‘Using Critical Race Theory’ to Remove “White” from “White Christmas”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Freshman Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) appeared on Steve Bannon’s podcast today and floated a fresh conspiracy theory — Joe Biden wants to “radically alter” a classic holiday song.

“Steve, I was talking to my buddy who runs a company that builds secret space lasers, and he told me something I think every American should be freaking out about. He told me Communist Biden plans on using critical race theory to take the ‘White’ out of ‘White Christmas’,” Greene said while sharing a hit from Bannon’s crack pipe with MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell.

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“He’s going to radically alter one of our favorite songs, just because he and his fellow George Soros-backed leftist socialist cucks hate REAL Americans. You know what I mean by real, don’t you? The mayo lovers. The melanin-free. The ones that, up until that tyrant Lincoln’s war of aggression were the natural born leaders and elite in this country. So Soros and Biden want us to fundamentally change a meaningful part of the Christmas holiday.”

Soros, according to Greene’s contact, used a secret channel of communication established during the Obama administration to direct Biden’s actions.

“My buddy told me that he used the Sharia Network, and Soros told Biden he better get the white out of White Christmas, or there would be hell to pay at their next meeting of the Satanic Communists of America,” Greene said.

Rep. Greene vowed to fight Biden’s efforts to “cram CRT down Americans’ throats” and would work with former President Don Trump to restore the song’s title and lyrics once he is back in power, which she says will be by the end of the year.

“It’s gonna be perfect timing, fam! Sasquatch is going to swear King Trump in, just days before Christmas, and then the first thing he’ll do is make Christmas white again,” Greene said excitedly.

“I almost feel bad for the libs. They thought they’d beaten us, just cuz they got more votes’n us. They thought we would let them control things, just cuz the Constitution says they should, and they thought they could de-white our White Christmas, and that we wouldn’t make them pay for it one day. I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when Emperor Trump adds the word ‘White’ back to the song, and to so many other things when he’s back in control!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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