Greene: Car Seat Laws are ‘Tyranny’ and Parents Should ‘Resist’ Them

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Cloven-footed freshman Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) told a group of maskless, pro-MAGA churchgoers this morning that she believes the “government has gotten too used to bein’ all tyrannical and stuff,” and she says it’s “high time patriots push back.”

“Everywhere you look, you see the woke, Antifa, Critical Race Theory cancel culture communist left telling you how to live your lives. Even how to raise your kids,” Greene told the attendees of a prayer breakfast. “They want to force you to put a mask over their face, and as if that wasn’t enough power for them to consume, they’ve been forcing you for years to put a seat belt on them when you drive them around!”

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Rep. Greene blasted Democrats for their “overly pro-life laws.”

“Look, I’m all for forcing women like me to be nothing more than birthing cows,” Greene said, “but these overly pro-life laws are ridiculous. Once the baby is born and issued its boot straps, no American should care about that baby. Ever.”

Green says she intends to file paperwork “immediately” to impeach President Joe Biden, Vice President Kamala Harris, and even the man she calls “Enemy Number One,” Dr. Anthony Fauci, who holds no elected office.

“Someone told me I can’t impeach Fauci cuz he weren’t elected or what have you,” Greene divulged this morning, “but I think that’s cuck talk! Don’t you, folks? It’s cuck talk. We’re gonna impeach Biden, Kamala, and Fauci! We have to stop this government tyranny, take the sneeze guards off our salad bars, repeal every single seat belt law, and take America back, patriots!”

Greene received a rousing ovation from the 120 congregants, whose collective IQ was estimated to be roughly 6.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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