Fauci Suggests ‘Some Senators’ Wear a Mask to Hide from Punchy Neighbors

Giving an interview on CNN, Dr. Anthony Fauci suggested that even though the CDC has just issued new guidelines for vaccinated people regarding indoor masking, there are some Americans who may want to keep wearing a mask indefinitely.

“If I were say, a guy who thinks my self-certified ophthalmology medical degree qualifies me to lecture one of the most knowledgeable human beings on the planet in the subject of infectious diseases,” Fauci said, “someone who has not just a punchable face, but also a highly-punchable persona? Then, maybe, I have to say, I’d consider keeping something over my face on a very permanent basis.”

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Dr. Fauci continued to describe the kinds of people he thinks may want to keep wearing masks, long after they are vaccinated and the COVID-19 pandemic is even further under control.

“Let’s pretend, hypothetically, that you call yourself a doctor, but then start spreading vaccine misinformation,” Fauci continued. “Then, I would believe keeping your mouth covered with something might help people from deciding to punch it closed for you.”

Fauci wasn’t done there.

“Or, if you’re a doctor, allegedly, but acted really negligently during the height of the pandemic, contracted COVID, and then spread it around at your workplace gym,” Dr. Fauci hypothesized. “Then you’d be a good candidate for keeping a mask over your smug pie hole.”

Dr. Fauci claimed he wasn’t referring to anybody in particular.

“Sure, I’ve had continued run-ins with a guy who looks like someone ate and puked up a Brill-o pad on his head,” Fauci admitted, “and he most definitely is as condescending as he is arrogant as he is full of shit. I would also certainly suggest people with punchy neighbors might want to keep their idiot faces covered up, too. But I’m just spitballing here; not talking about any particular dick cheese.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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