Eric Trump Worried He Won’t Get To Go Down Big Slide After McConnell Cancels August Recess

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A worried and anxious Eric Trump bounded into the Oval Office this morning, pushing past security and throwing the door open, demanding to know as he did why Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell canceled most of the August recess.

The decision to nix the majority of the traditional summer break the Senate affords its members is largely a political one, according to many on the Hill. McConnell’s calculus is that with the mid-terms in November being so consequential to which party holds the majority, keeping Democrats working in the capital will prevent them from campaigning, and hopefully help preserve the GOP advantage, or even extend it.

As it is, the Republicans hold about as thin a margin as they can. None of that was on Eric’s mind as he flew into a tirade in the White House, however.

“Diddums! Diddums! Diddums get off your phone and answer me, Diddums,” Eric shouted at his father as he burst into the Oval Office. “He can’t do that, can he Diddums? He can’t just cancel recess can he?!”

A bit taken aback, President Trump hurriedly finished sending a tweet raging against the “Deep State plot” to force him to win the election “just so they could take it away and do a coop day tot.” The president set his phone down and addressed his son.

“Eric, my boy, what is this fussing about,” the elder Trump asked.

Whimpering, and fighting back tears, Eric told his father that his kids read him a news story this morning that made him “very very very mad” and more than a little worried. He read that Senator McConnell had cancelled recess.

“And we were gonna do a 4-Square tournament today and everything,” Eric whined. “It’s just not faiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrr, Diddums! Tell him to put recess back on, right now Diddums! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!”

Eric was jumping up and down on the carpet now. His father was trying as hard as he could to calm his son down. Desperate to get Eric to a calmer state of mind and end the kerfuffle in the office, Trump told his son he’d order McConnell to “un-cancel” recess.

“If we can cancel and un-cancel nuclear peace talks with North Korea, surely we can do it with a little recess,” President Trump mused. “And besides, my boy simply must have his out of doors time!”

Eric was elated to find out his dad was going to twist McConnell’s arm.

“Yay! Thanks Diddums! I’m so happy now,” Eric said. “I was really looking forward to going down the big slide and everything!”

Majority Leader McConnell’s office did not respond to requests for comment.

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

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James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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