Eric Trump Wants to Know Why White People ‘Aren’t Allowed to Commit White Collar Crimes’

In an interview on Sean Hannity’s Fox News evening show, former President Don Trump’s third-most intelligent son asked a direct question that the host couldn’t answer.

“Tell me something, Sean. I want you tell me something. Why is New York Attorney General Titty James going after President Daddy’s business? She says it’s because we committed white collar crimes,” Eric Trump whined to Hannity.

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“Well, guess what, Titty? We’re white! Okay? We’re white. And what’s the point of white collar crimes if white people aren’t allowed to commit white collar crimes? Daddy told me that blue people get to commit blue collar crimes, so why isn’t Titty James going after the blue people? Daddy also told me black people commit more crime than white people because it’s in their nature or whatever, but until Dr. Ronny Jackson confirms that very real scientific fact Daddy told me, just keep it under your hat, Sean.”

During one emotional moment, Eric reiterated calls he’s made in the past for President Joe Biden’s son, Hunter, to be “fully and completely investigated,” claiming that because he had his See N Say toy investigated in 2020, that “fair’s fair” and Hunter should be investigated as well.

“Why come nobody is talking about Hunter Biden except all the time and non-stop, Sean? Answer me that, liberal media,” Eric shouted.

Eric denied that the Trump Organization “has done anything that bad” and that James is “continuing the witch hunt” against his father.

“For years they’ve been trying to get President Daddy, just because he has a history of lying and committing fraud! As if! Why come Titty James is all up inside Daddy’s business, but she hasn’t once asked Hillary Clinton about hiring Ben Gozzi to spy on Daddy’s computers, huh? This is a witch hunt, and just because it happened to actually catch witches this time, that doesn’t mean they have any right to hold a good, clean, Lawrence Welk loving, melanin-deficient man accountable for jack squat, Sean!”

As Eric continued to cry, Hannity cut to a commercial.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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