Is It Antifa or Cancel Culture’s Fault You Keep Getting In Trouble for The Things You Say And Do?

Is there anything that Cancel Culture won’t cancel you for these days? All of a sudden, we can’t say racist things, or sexually assault people without the indignant, out of control mob cancelling us, which insofar as I can tell means that we literally die and cannot get into Heaven anymore. Cancel culture has attacked our beloved potato toy’s genitals, racist cartoons from Dr. Seuss’s earlier period, and just about every elected Republican just because they’re hostile to democracy and/or people of color participating in it. Obviously, everything that is wrong with America is Cancel Culture’s fault.

…or, wait a minute.

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Is it all Antifa’s fault? Now, I’ve scoured the Internet and my local town for the Antifa Headquarters, or even a sign up booth at a state fair or something, and I haven’t been able to find one yet. Still, every elected Republican keeps telling me that Antifa is this big, scary group of people who are trying to intimidate me into being cool with socialism or whatever. So now I’m not sure if it’s Antifa or Cancel Culture that’s going to ruin my entire existence, and America as we know it!

One thing I know for a certain fact is that it’s not my fault. It’s definitely not that. I should be able to say what I want, and do what I want, without someone trying to cancel me. Hell, I’m pretty sure the Constitution says you can’t even CRITICIZE me! Because that would be using your free speech to hurt my feelings, and that seems very, very illegal to me.

Yes, I have been told that if I just didn’t say racist things, or if I didn’t keep making fun of transgender people, I wouldn’t have been fired from my job at the grocery store. But I don’t believe that’s the America we want to live in. Why should I have to change, just because the world around me doesn’t accept my very narrow view of what the world should look like?!

So, yeah, I gotta figure this out, because I need to protect myself from being hauled off to one of Antifa, Inc’s Cancel Culture Concentration Camps, where I’ll be forced to get gay married to an abortion doctor and renounce capitalism! When one of you smart people out there figures out who is more to blame, Antifa or Cancel Culture, let me know. Because consequences for our actions SUCKS, fam.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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