DeSantis Bans “Fast and Furious” Movies in Florida

“…when he found out that the Fast and Furious movies are literally about a bunch of men doing drag, he sprung into action.”

Governor Ron DeSantis signed an official order today that bans the showing of any movie from the “Fast and Furious” film franchise within Florida’s state lines. Moments after DeSantis put ink to paper and made it illegal for the movies to be shown, Jeremy McMoron, a spokesperson in DeSantis’ office, spoke to us briefly about why this order was signed.

“This was probably one of the easiest decisions the governor has ever had to make. The simple fact is that Governor DeSantis believes that drag in all its forms is a dangerous influence on Florida’s children,” Mr. McMoron told us. “So when he found out that the Fast and Furious movies are literally about a bunch of men doing drag, he sprung into action, and told all of us he wanted those films permanently kicked out of the Sunshine state, and that’s what we did.”

RELATED: DeSantis Bans Minecraft Because ‘Kids Can Get Hoes’ In It

According to McMoron, the governor may not be done banning drag.

“Governor DeSantis is keenly aware of how important it is to combat the forces of drag, wherever they hide. So we may yet see him ban dragging cans behind your car after you get married,” McMoron guessed, “and I would bet you might even see him force Floridians to call it ‘puffing’ instead of ‘taking a drag’ from your cigarette.”

RELATED: DeSantis: Florida History Books Must Remove White Wigs and Rouge from Images of Founders


Wow! What will RonDeSantis ban next? satire politics political #fastandthefurious florida #dragqueen #lgtbq🏳️‍🌈 #politik

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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