DeSantis Bans Minecraft Because ‘Kids Can Get Hoes’ In It

Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida has used much of his second term in office to publicly wage a series of cultural wars. DeSantis has signed laws aimed at curbing the kinds of subjects Floridian students learn about in public schools, has sought to strip Disney of its power in the state because they oppose his anti-LGTBQ agenda, and today he signed a new executive order.

With a stroke of his pen, Gov. DeSantis banned minors from playing the game Minecraft. The game has been around for several years, but DeSantis said he just recently made aware of the fact that players can acquire — and even make — hoes. The Florida Republican moved as quickly as he could to put together the order he signed this morning.

RELATED: DeSantis Bans Depictions of Nude Baby Jesus in Florida

While taking questions from the reporters he allowed to be in the room with him, DeSantis explained his thinking.

“We can’t let woke game designers get their hands on our kids’ minds. No child should be acquiring hoes, regardless of your political beliefs,” DeSantis said. “It’s one thing when Matt Gaetz gets an underage hoe, it’s something completely different when an underage person gets a hoe of their own.”

In a related twist, DeSantis also signed an order allowing children to work in actual mines again, citing a desire to keep up with Arkansas, whose governor also rolled back child labor restrictions recently. The governor has given Microsoft, who purchased Minecraft’s production studio a few years ago, six days to comply with his order.

RELATED: Florida Republicans Propose 24-Hour Waiting Period for All Men Buying Dresses


Oh jeez, RonDesantis not that kind of…never mind. minecraft satire politics #politik #lgtbq🏳️‍🌈 #florida

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

Follow James: PostTikTokTwitterInstagramFacebook

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This