Entire Population of The Dakotas Shuts Down Single Starbucks to Protest D.C. Statehood

Today, the House of Representatives voted along party lines to advance House Resolution 51, which would make Washington, D.C. the official 51st state in the union. The bill has a long uphill battle to climb in order to become law — adding states requires passing the senate, being signed into law by the president, and then two-thirds of the existing states ratifying the whole process.

No matter how far the bill has to go, conservative Republicans throughout the country have been hostile to the notion of adding the District of Columbia as a state. They argue that Democrats only support the idea because it gives them two more Senate seats, hypothetically. Democrats, in response, argue that because of how election laws work, residents of D.C. pay federal taxes but have no representation in government.

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Regardless of the arguments the left is making in favor of D.C. statehood, however, some protests have already been reported. Such as in a small town South Dakota where a protest grew so large that it forced the Starbucks it was being held in to shut down for a full ten minutes while everyone was cleared out. What made it even more newsworthy is that every single resident of North and South Dakota was present and accounted for at the protest.

“It was absolutely crazy. I had never seen anything like it before,” Officer John Mayhall, who was called to help disperse the small gathering, told us via Skype. “I had never heard of such a thing — two whole entire states protesting something at the same time? Just shows you the times we live in.”

The protesters chose a Starbucks franchise because, as one participant told their local news station, it “represents the loony left and all their George Soros-sponsored cancel culture terrorism.”

“We cannot let these D.C. swamp rats run roughshod over us! How uppity of them to demand representation for their taxation,” South Dakota resident Mack McGee said. “So we all came here to protest, and make our voices heard, because Starbucks represents the loony left and all their George Soros-sponsored cancel culture terrorism.”

Staff working at the Starbucks today said the size of the crowd was roughly that of their normal morning rush.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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