Cuomo Considering Jump to GOP So He Can Do Whatever He Wants and Have The Support of His Party

ALBANY, NEW YORK — A growing chorus of elected New York officials are calling on Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D) to resign, many from his own party.The list of those calling for Cuomo to resign now includes New York Democrats in national offices like Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Rep. Jerry Nadler.

In a tweet this morning, Ocasio-Cortez became, perhaps, the most popular Democrat to call for Cuomo’s resignation.

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In response to the calls from within his own party to resign in the face of a deluge of sexual impropriety allegations, Gov. Cuomo has reportedly begun to consider his options. However, none of the options he’s considered so far include his resignation However, he is, according to a source close to the situation who spoke to us on the condition of anonymity, considering a move that might surprise New Yorkers, and perhaps Americans everywhere.

“The governor is strongly considering switching his party affiliation and becoming a Republican,” our source told us. “That way, he can do whatever he wants — literally anything he wants — and his party will actually support him, turn a blind eye, and even attack people looking to hold him accountable.”

Our source says that one thing that makes the choice to switch parties seem so alluring to Cuomo is that he’d “have the ability rack up a few more accusations” and Republicans wouldn’t care.

“They had a guy in the White House for four years that has credible rape allegations against him, and dozens more other charges of sexual assault and harassment, and never said a word about it,” our source explained, “Governor Cuomo would like to have some room in the margins to pick up a few more allegations. He hasn’t yet, for instance, but if he were to grab a woman by her hooha, he’d like to have the support of his party.”

Governor Cuomo did not provide comment on this story.

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James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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