Club Owner Not Sure Who This “Jim Breuer” Guy Is, But Is Requiring Audience Vaccination Anyway

“You’re saying he’s done something remotely comedic in the last 20 years?”

HARDIHAR FALLS, MINNESOTA — Recently, vintage comedian Jim Breuer announced that he would not book any shows with venues that require audiences to get a COVID-19 vaccination before attending. Citing some rambling, incoherent bullshit that only old white guys get away with spewing and coming away with any kind of respect, Breuer set the F-List floor to Nicki Minaj’s A-list ceiling in terms of celebrities* with dumbfuck opinions on vaccination, a literally life saving, commonly used medical treatment.

However, 47 year old Kyle William, owner of a successful Minnesota comedy club, had no idea about any of that. That’s because Kyle has, in his words, “no earthly fucking clue” who Jim Breuer is.”

Barrett Worries Her MAGA Hat Might Make People Think the Court Has Become Political

“He’s called like sixteen times in the last week trying to get me to book him so I he can unbook me,” Kyle laughed as he told us why he reached out for an interview. “What a weird fucking person.

Breuer didn’t just call once, however. He apparently called Kyle’s club several times over the course of a day or two.

“He kept calling, and saying, ‘Hello, this is Jim Breuer. I remember thinking to myself,” Kyle explained, “‘Jim Breuer? Never heard of him.'”

One of Kyle’s older bartenders explained that Breuer had been a pretty successful and A-List celebrity about a quarter of a century ago, but then at some point he was diagnosed with whiteguymaincharacterits — a rare disease that’s fatal to one’s reputation as an intelligent comic.

“I looked at him,” Kyle told us, “and asked him, ‘You’re saying he’s done something remotely comedic in the last 20 years?’ Billy said it’s been like 25.”

Kyle says his response to that was to simply laugh.

“I run a comedy club, not a time machine shop,” Kyle told us. “So I decided, well whoever this James Brewhouse guy I was going to keep asking to see proof of vaccination from people when they attend shows at my club. I have staff with unvaccinated children at home, and I don’t want to be responsible for sending one of them to the hospital. Sorry, Mr. Brewpub.”

Local Moron Sees Inconvenience as Tyranny

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This