Super Pro-American MAGA Patriot Rooting for Murderous Dictator to Beat Biden In Debate

FT. DUMPHUK, MISSISSIPPI — It’s not going to happen, and most people with even an average intellect understand that fact, but that hasn’t stopped pro-MAGA Americans from desperately wishing that President Joe Biden would take Russia’s chief murderous thug up on his offer, and debate him.

Clark Palumbo, a man who calls himself “super pro-American” and a “patriotic American liberty lover,” has been telling his friends and family that he hopes Russian President Vladimir Putin “cleans Sleepy So-Seepy Joe Biden’s clock” in the fantasy debate.

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After Biden agreed with a reporter’s definition of Putin as a “killer,” the Russian fascist dictator insulted Biden, implied he’s senile, and challenged him to a debate. Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-TX) told a conservative talk radio host the day of Putin’s challenge that as a “staunch pro-Trump Republican” he thought of Putin’s challenge as “breathtakingly courageous” and said reminded the world his wife, Heidi Cruz, is “ugly as fucking fuck.” Cruz then stuck his finger down his throat to mimic vomiting while still talking about his wife.

“I love America. Okay? I goddamn love it, and no libtarded, soyboybetacuck is gonna convince me I’m wrong for loving America so hard,” Palumbo was overheard telling friends on his front porch. “That being said, I can’t wait for Uncle Vladdy cleans Sleepy So-Seepy Joe Biden’s clock in that debate!”

According to Clark, he doesn’t really have any choice but to support Putin in a debate with Biden.

“I mean, Vlad helped give us the greatest president to never win the popular vote and the lowest approval rating ever,” Palumbo said excitedly. “It’s almost like Vlad’s one of us. So, whether or not he’s a literal enemy of all Americans, I gotta support Vlad, because Dan Bongino’s giant salad bowl head told me to.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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