Biden Politely Declines Lindsey Graham’s Offer of Four Years of Public Beejers

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The note President Biden sent to Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) yesterday morning contained a very short message.

“Thanks, but no thanks, Lindsey.”

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Biden’s missive to his old friend addressed an offer that Graham had made to give the president “the MAGA treatment.” Sen. Graham offered Biden “daily, public, sloppy, wet beejers,” just as he gave Biden’s predecessor. Graham apparently thought this might be way to “reach across the aisle.” Despite trashing the previous president when he was running against him in 2016, Graham ended up being one of his loudest, most loyal supporters, publicly fellating the reality-TV game show host whenever his outsized ego needed it.

“While President Biden was very honored by Sen. Graham’s offer,” White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki explained today, “this is a new administration, and we don’t do things the way the old one did. The president didn’t think it would be necessary or appropriate for them to have quite the same kind of relationship as the senator had with the previous president. It’s nothing personal, President Biden just prefers not to have people attached to his nether regions like barnacles.”

Despite not taking Graham up on his offer, Psaki said that he as an open invitation to call or come over to the White House for a visit any time he’d like.

“And unlike the previous president,” Psaki said, “President Biden would not force Sen. Graham to enter through the doggy door. Funny as that might be to see, and all.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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