President Finds It Hard To Believe 80 Million Fuckin’ Assholes and Losers Voted For Biden and Not Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the final analysis, President Donald J. Trump says he’s “just not convinced” and “can’t really understand” how he lost to Sleepy Toe-Teepy-Bo-Beepy-Mo-Meepy Joe Biden, and he’s having an extremely difficult time getting over his sad emotional state about it. That’s why, he told reporters, he keeps insisting that there’s “just no way” that Biden secured more than 80 million votes, at current counts nearly five million more than Trump himself got.

Outgoing President Trump railed against the “fuckin’ ashsoles and losers” who voted for Biden instead of him, during a phone interview with Fox News host Maria Fartinromo this weekend.

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“Maria! Maria! Tell me this, tell me this,” Trump shouted into the phone, “Why do they expect us to believe that there were that many fuckin’ assholes and losers in this country that they’d choose Sleepy Go-Geepy over me? Does that make any sense to anyone who doesn’t have their heads implanted in my ass cheeks, Maria?”

Trump told Fartinromo that he’s “absolutely disgusted” by what he’s read in the papers about the election results. President Trump said he “straight up will never believe” that he got fewer votes than Biden. The alleged billionaire insisted that “insulting more than half the country for four years straight” was a winning strategy, and that if he had “known that elections are popularity contests,” he would have tried to make himself more popular to the “fuckheads, morons, douchebags, and cocksuckers” who didn’t vote for him the first time around.

“I decided after 2016 that I was only going to be president for the smart winners who voted for me,” Trump said angrily, “not the piece of shit assholes who didn’t vote for me. And I checked the Constal-toochin or whatever it’s called and it doesn’t say anywhere that I have to be nice to the cunts who didn’t vote for me, and I do consider anyone who didn’t vote for me a cunt. So are you telling me this country is full of cunts who don’t like being called cunts, all of a sudden? Fuck that shit, frankly.”

President Trump will be forced out of office one or the way the other by January 21st, 2021, when former President Joe Biden takes the oath of office and is sworn-in as the 46th President of the United States of America.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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