Poll: Rogue Twitter Employee Who Shut Down Trump’s Account Early 2020 Frontrunner

A new flash poll conducted by We Poll You So Hard and YouTube has determined that if the 2020 presidential election were held today, the former Twitter employee who shut down President Donald Trump’s Twitter account for eleven minutes on their last day would win in a landslide. The poll shows that Trump would win the states in his base — which can be identified by entering “Confederate States of America” into Google. However, the rogue Twitter employee would win every single other state, obliterating Trump in a humiliating landslide.

This morning, Trump tweeted about the temporary removal of his account as he began a tweet storm about topics ranging from “Crooked H” rigging the DNC primary to Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) — who he called “Pocahontas” in a not-so-subtle nod to his base — making comments on the DNC primaries.

“Clearly people think that what the former Twitter employee did was an admirable, honorable act,” Dr. Glenda Susanavich of We Poll You So Hard told reporters at the announcement of the poll results. “That consensus seems to have translated into one heck of a big early lead, should this person decide to run next year.”

Yesterday, with no advanced notice, President Trump’s Twitter account was nowhere to be found on the social media platform. Given that Twitter is Trump’s preferred method of mass communication, it could have presented quite a unique challenge to Trump — get his message to his followers without his favorite metaphorical megaphone. Within eleven minutes, however, the account was back up.

“The interesting part to me is that this poll shows that the Twitter employee would win the majority of Republican votes too,” Dr. Susanavich told the press. “So that leads us to believe that there are just a ton of super embarrassed Republicans out there biding their time until Congress impeaches Trump, or 2020 when they’ll sit out or actively vote for someone who is challenging him in the primary. So this Twitter user could run as a Republican, Democrat, or Independent and absolutely clean up.”

Gil Williamson, a spokesperson for Twitter addressed the issue this morning during a radio interview. He was asked about why Trump hasn’t been suspended from Twitter before, given that he tweets in a way that could construed as being in violation of many of their Terms of Service agreement. Williamson batted those concerns away.

“Technically, Trump’s abusive, bullying, and nasty tweets could be considered as targeted harassment, yes,” Williamson admitted, “But he gives us so much media attention and raises our stock prices with every dangerous, unhinged tweet. So you know, what can you do other than continue to give him a huge platform while banning people who are mean to him and say ‘Fuck you’ to him and stuff because cusses are almost as bad as trying to start World War III with our application, am I right?”

The White House did not respond to requests for comment on this story.

More satire:

Press Secretary Asks Congress if She Can Be Paid By The Lie

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This