Tucker Carlson: NSA Agents Were in His Closet Spying and One of The Agents Looked at Him

“NSA agents were in my closet, making reports, and I saw one of the reports, and one of the agents looked at me!” – Tucker Carlson

On his show this week, Fox News host Tucker Carlson made yet another fairly outlandish claim. The idea that Mr. Carlson might say something on his show that lacks any corroborating evidence shouldn’t surprise anyone, given his legal team’s defense of his show was to, effectively, say no sane person would take everything he says truthful. His newest claim is that the NSA has been spying on him.

Throughout most of his term, twice-permanently impeached President Donald J. Trump claimed the government spied on him. As it turns out, Trump has never been able to prove that claim, and thus far Mr. Carlson hasn’t backed up his allegations that the NSA has been spying on him with anything concrete either. That didn’t stop Tucker from doubling-down on his claims during a Fox News appearance this morning, though.

Stupid Fuck Rants In Front of Crowd of Stupid Fucks From Ohio

“I am telling you folks, this is dangerous stuff happening. They’re spying on me. I know it. I saw it with my own two beady eyes,” Carlson told the Fox News hosts this morning. “I opened the closet door one night last week, and there were NSA agents in my closet, making reports, and I saw the reports, and one of the agents looked at me!”

The Fox News hosts were incredulous and outraged on Tucker’s behalf.

“The agent looked at you,” the blonde female one asked. “That’s just disgusting, Tucker. I hope you are able to sue the pants off the NSA. So take all your evidence right to court, and get your relief!”

Carlson chuckled.

“Yes, I’ll do that. I’ll gather up all my…evidence. Which I have, just like, totally a lot of, obviously,” Carlson hinted. “Gobs and gobs of evidence. And I’ll totally show it to you, and the courts. As soon as I make it up — I mean, find it and compile it.”

The Biden administration did not comment on this story.

Mitch McConnell Named Oncology Magazine’s ‘Cancer of the Millennium’

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This