WASHINGTON, D.C. — Hours after heaping praise on Confederate General Robert E. Lee, President Donald Trump said he’d be issuing a posthumous Presidential Medal of Freedom to Lee.
Mr. Trump was put in the position to praise Lee because when former Vice-President Joe Biden entered the 2020 presidential raise officially yesterday, his kickoff video directly mentioned Trump’s comments about a racist rally in Charlottesville in 2017. The rally was held by a known right-wing, white nationalist group called “Unite the Right,” and after a day of angry, violent protest between the rally goers and counter-protesters left one woman dead, run over by white supremacist that has since been convicted of her murder, Trump made one of his most famous statements of his presidency.
Holding a press conference in the wake of Charlottesville, Trump seemed to make an attempt to shield some of the white nationalists from blame, saying they were only there to protest a statue of Lee being taken down.
But you also had people that were very fine people on both sides. You had people in that group – excuse me, excuse me. I saw the same pictures as you did. You had people in that group that were there to protest the taking down, of to them, a very, very important statue and the renaming of a park from Robert E. Lee to another name. (Politico)
Biden’s campaign announcement drew out the president, and he defended his 2017 comments, claiming that Lee, who fought for the cause of the Confederacy, which was literally an anti-American insurgency, was a “great general, whether you like it or not.”
Trump told reporters outside the White House on Friday that Robert E. Lee was “a great general, whether you like it or not,” continuing his praise for a Confederate figure whose statue was at the heart of the 2017 white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia. (Axios)
President Trump decided a few hours later he wanted to further honor Lee.
“You know, it’s time for the Party of Lincoln to give thanks to this great general,” Trump said. “Because do we really think people would think so highly of Lincoln if he didn’t have such a great general like Lee to fight against?”
Trump compared the relationship between Lincoln and Lee to that of pro-wrestlers.
“Lincoln was a good guy, okay? I get it. I might not agree with him releasing all the southerner’s urbans, but hey, I get it,” Trump said, “He was the good guy. But every fan of wrestling knows the good guy ain’t nothin’ without a good heel. And Lee was prolly the best heel of them all!”
Trump says that initially he wanted to do more than just honor Lee.
“I wanted to know if our Pentagon science nerds could just bring Bob back to life somehow, but those cucks told me we don’t even have cloning tech like that,” Trump said with extreme exasperation. “So I went with this freedom medal thingy instead.”
When reporters asked why Trump was giving a freedom award to someone who literally fought to keep black people not free, he laughed. Then Trump farted, which he blamed on Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Then, he explained that the answer was “simply math.”
“Sure, he actually fought for the opposite of freedom for black people,” Trump admitted, “but they were only three-fifths of a person back then anyway, so isn’t this all just a lot of math no one cares about?”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.