Trump: “What’s The Point of Lying If Jerks In The Press Are Going To Tell Everyone I Lied?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — An angry President Trump lashed out at the media again this morning, this time accusing them of “twisting and distorting lies” he tells specifically so that everyone thinks he’s telling the truth. Trump’s angry comments came just a few hours after he tweeted an attack on the “Lamestream Media,” whom he accused of “corruption and dishonesty.” Shouting and ranting as he paced on the White House lawn, Trump lambasted the press and screamed that when he lies, he “does it so people will stop accusing” him of lying.

Trump’s tweet, below.

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“Every time I tell a lie, those jerks go and report that I lied! Don’t they see there’s no point in me lying if they’re just going to point out that I’m lying? It just seems like a big waste of my time,” Trump howled. “And wasting a president’s time is presidential harassment. No president has ever been as badly abused as me. Not even the ones that got shot or whatever! It’s just so incredibly rude to ruin a really great lie I told by reporting it as a lie, instead of an alternative truth, at the very least!”

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Trump whined that he doesn’t think it’s “very fair or right” for the media to report his lies as lies. He insists that “more networks should follow Fox and OANN’s example” and report his lies as truth. That, he said, is in the nation’s best interest, and more importantly, the best interests of his ego.

“The more people who are told my lies are lies and not alternative facts, the more dangerous it becomes to my reputation,” Trump explained, “and all you fake news enemies of people cucks will be the ones responsible when world leaders and even people in our own country stop believing me, just because you’ve demonstrated and documented over and over again when I’m lying to them!”

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The president announced he was “strongly considering” a lawsuit against every major news publication that continues to report his lies as lies. Trump said he and Attorney General William Barr are looking into whether calling him out for lying abridges his First Amendment rights to free speech. If the press isn’t violating his First Amendment rights using their First Amendment rights, then Trump says he and Barr have another “angle to go at” the media.

“If they’re not violating my First Amendment rights, they’re definitely violating my presidential rights,” Trump argued. “Every president has a right to lie to the American people about anything they want to. Just because I do it more, does not mean I deserve to be called out for it or held responsible for it. Just because I tell lies that could get people killed if they take a drug I tell them to take, or if they treat the virus seriously, that means I deserve to be called a liar? Since when did telling thousands of lies qualify someone as a liar, exactly?”

Congressman Devin Nunes was interviewed by a conservative talk radio host this morning and echoed President Trump’s sentiments. Nunes is one of Trump’s most vocal defenders and supporters. He accused the “hack left-wing commie pinko press” of “intentionally distorting the president’s lies to be much more worser than they really are.”

“So he lies. So what? Barack Obama was president once. Remember that? What’s worse, a president who lies literally all the time,” Nunes asked, “or a president who puts mustard on a hamburger? Which is worse — a president you can’t trust to tell you the truth about a deadly pandemic outbreak, or a president that might have over-promised being able to keep your doctor when shitty, do-nothing health insurance policies were outlawed? I rest my case.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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