Trump Has Sons Barricade Oval Office Door In Case Mueller Pulls Into White House Driveway

"We'll, umm, have Mexico pay for it or something. Later."

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump, acting within his duties as Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States of America, issued an order to his sons Uday and Qusay Trump Jr. to barricade the Oval Office doors, ahead of Monday morning.

Trump is concerned, sources say, that the criminal charges filed by Special Counsel Robert Mueller will be against him or an associate close enough to him that it would require Mueller to show up at the White House to serve papers. Mueller was appointed by the FBI after Trump fired the bureau’s former director, James Comey, and has been investigating both the 2016 presidential election as well as any possibility that Trump obstructed justice when he fired Comey. Trump’s reasoning for firing Comey has changed a few times, and some feel his public statements make a very damning circumstantial case for obstruction.

NBC News has confirmed that the first indictments from Mueller’s probe are forthcoming, likely tomorrow.

A federal grand jury in Washington has approved the first criminal charges in the special counsel’s investigation into Russian election interference, two sources told NBC News, marking a significant milestone in an inquiry that has roiled Donald Trump’s presidency. (NBC News)

This morning, after a flurry of tweets in which he tried to turn the country’s focus on his defeated opponent, Hillary Clinton, and the Democratic Party, President Trump reportedly put down his smart phone and summoned his sons to the Oval Office. When they arrived, the younger Trumps entered the Oval Office to find dozens of couch cushions, chairs, and other various objects their father wanted them to employ in a way that barricaded the door into the office.

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“Boys, if that bastard Mueller shows up in the driveway, I don’t want him getting in here, see? Barricade that door, boys,” Trump ordered his sons.

“Yes sir, Daddy God Emperor Sir,” the president’s overbitten son, Don Jr., told his father as he hurriedly set about blocking the door into the Oval Office.

Building materials for the barricade came from the $1.75 million in furniture that President Trump has ordered for the White House. Previous presidents have gone out of pocket to pay for such furnishings, but Trump has made no indication one way or another if he will be doing so himself. When Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders rubbed the gravy from her tear ducts, she noticed that the new furniture was being used in this way and asked if the taxpayers should be paying for this endeavor.

“We’ll, umm, have Mexico pay for it or something. Later. Down the line. I don’t know. Whatever,” President Trump said distractedly.

The building of the barricade took much longer than expected because Trump’s second son, Eric, was distracted by a streak of sunlight on the carpet, and he stared at the shiny spot it made for the entire time he was in the Oval Office. Trump would pat Eric on the head and hand him a treat every now and again, and Eric would simply smile, take the treat, and keep staring at the bright sunlight on the Oval Office carpet.

The White House did not respond to requests for comment.


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