A new study from the National Institute of Studying Really Obvious Stuff (NISROS), published today in the New American Journal of Published Studies claims to prove “beyond any reasonable doubt or suspicion to the contrary,” that White House Senior Ethnic Cleansing Adviser Stephen Miller is an ugly, racist, balding cunt. Speaking to reporters at a press conference announcing their findings, NISROS Executive Chief of Research told reporters that the results of the study are “unsurprising but still vitally important to understand and publicize.”
“You can look at Stephen and tell he’s ugly, balding, and a cunt,” Dr. William Terwilliger Jones told reporters, “and when you find out the weasel dick wanted to embed ICE agents in a refugee agency to try and find more people to deport, it’s clear that he’s a racist. And there is literally no one on the planet who is a more obvious cunt than Stephen is, with the exception of his tubby bitch boss, of course. But these findings confirm that Stephen Miller is a toxic, weapons-grade cocktail of all of those things. He’s an ugly, racist, balding cunt, and now we have the data to back that up.”
Terwilliger Jones admitted that it was possible to glean much of what his organization found out about Miller through “simple, unscientific modeling and observation.”
“Of course,” Dr. Jones said, “you could figure out he was a racist from simply listening to rhetorical bile that falls out of his diarrhea-smelling mouth. You could ascertain he’s an ugly, balding piece of shit just by watching interviews with the slimy, smarm master. And him being a racist cunt is very obvious to anyone with eyes and/or ears that work, or barring that if they have some way through either sign language or morse code to be exposed to the hate-filled, spite jizz he spews all over everyone whenever he appears in public.”
Still, Terwillier Jones insists NISROS simply had to conduct the study, in order to quantify, if possible, just how much of an ugly, racist, balding cunt Miller is.
“In terms of the breadth and scope of his ugly, balding, racist cuntiness,” Terwilliger said, “Stephen Miller takes the taco. Of course, being the racist asshole he is, he immediately calls ICE on himself for eating a taco, which is of course Mexican in origin. Miller has tried to deport himself at least a dozen times for taking the taco. Tragically, he’s never succeeded.”
There have been other racist cunts in America, Dr. Jones said. There have been other ugly, balding cunts, too. However, as far as NISROS can confirm, Miller is truly unique in being the “most unctuous” of all of them. The fact that Miller is all of those things “rolled into one,” Jones said, is “truly newsworthy” and should be the subject of more study and observation.
“In order to understand just how idiots like Miller work, we need to learn more about him,” Jones said. “That’s why NISROS will continue our study of him, and while we don’t expect any evidence to come to light that proves he’s not an ugly, racist, balding cunt, we will keep our eyes and ears open for it. On a related note, we’ve all purchased new hazmat suits to wear while exposing ourselves to Stephen Miller’s rhetoric, and overall existence.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.