NEW YORK, NEW YORK — A spoiled little rich bitch, who also happens to be a man suffering from the worst case of Chronic Jizz Face doctors have ever recorded, decided to take the silver spoon he was born with out of his mouth to accuse others of being the beneficiaries of nepotism.
During several interviews on media outlets favorable to his powerful father, the spoiled little rich bitch — who has the exact same name as famous, alleged billionaire father, and who has never held at a company not in some way affiliated with his father — implied that the son of his father’s perceived political rival is the beneficiary of nepotism. It’s unclear at this time whether the world’s irony supply can or will hold out after so much of it was used during the interviews. Experts are still gathering data and collecting irony samples, and promise they’ll have word for the public on that front soon.
In the first such interview, however, the entitled little hypocrite tried to go on a rant, but was obstructed by something that was in his mouth.
“All I’m saying is,” the rich dickhead started to say before realizing that the silver spoon he was born with was keeping his words from being understood. He quickly pulled it out and continued. “All I’m saying is that this guy was making tons of money and what were his qualifications? His daddy’s name. And I know what you’re gonna say, but it’s different with my and my brother and sister because reasons.”
The arrogant little twat didn’t ever elucidate as to what those reasons might be, however. In another interview, he attacked his father’s political rival’s son again. This time, he said it was “pretty gross” that the son of a well connected man would leverage his position to make more money. Once more, the world’s irony supply was threatened.
“It’s just not fair! Why come he gets to use his Daddy’s name to get ahead in life, and my daddy only lets me borrow his, with interest,” the whiny little rich maggot told another interviewer this week, “I have to rent my name, but this cuck gets to just go and use his name to get ahead? That seems unfair to me, and it makes me sad! But that’s just libtards being libtards, I guess.”
The wealthy, elitist asshole pretending to be the salt of the earth kept on complaining about how “ridiculous” and “wrong” it is for children of well-connected politicians to trade on their names for more money and power.
“I’ll have you know it’s much more different-er with me and brother and sister, because we were already handed everything we have before Daddy got made the pres-o-dent,” the obnoxious, twerpy douchebag insisted. “All we’ve done while he’s been in office is make ourselves richer! We were already rich cuz of daddy! So you see, it’s totally different!”
Reached for comment, the rich little bitch’s dad first asked who everyone was talking about.
“Who? Who are you talking about? Dummy One or Dummy Two,” the senior big, fat, lying, obnoxious, entitled little rich bitch asked. “Oh, Dummy One. Look, he’s right, okay? Nepotism is terrible. Terrible. That’s what I told my daddy, the racist klan member who taught me how not to rent to urbans, as he was signing the first of several checks he gave me to start a business so that I could run it right into the ground. Nepotism is terrible, so very, very terrible.”
Farting, the old man, who happens to be President of the United States, shared one more thought.
“By the way, have you all checked out my beautiful, drop dead gorgeous, sexy as hell daughter’s new perfume line,” the man asked. “She inked a deal with a Chinese manufacturer the other day, and I couldn’t be prouder of my sexpot daughter! Makes me so proud — and frankly hard — to see her accomplish such great things.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.